Gives you Hell
by The Crack Fairy
Summary: Hidan, a successful writer, has to face a fate worse than death: meet his ex boyfriend at a high school reunion. But don't worry, he has a plan... KakuHidan, AU
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or any of its characters.

Warnings: AU

"_Anger is just a cowardly extension of sadness. It's a lot easier to be angry at someone than it is to tell them you're hurt."_

- Tom Gates

The title is taken from an AAR song, "Gives you hell".

**--**** Prologue --**

Pale, thin fingers rolled the cigarette between themselves thoughtfully; ash loosened from the tip, dropping to the floor, but he didn't care. Finally, the fingers passed the cancer stick on to a set of full lips which were all too willing to suck on the cigarette, inhaling the smoke and taste.

Violet eyes flickered from the fresh ash on the burgundy carpet to the paper on the dark table made of walnut wood. The writing was printed, the font elegant, just like he expected from his former classmate.

_Invitation_

_Since it has been 20 years that we, the class of 1988 of Akatsuki High, graduated, I would hereby like to invite you to a high school reunion. _

_Date: May 5__th__ 2008_

_Time: 19:00_

_Place: the Red Cloud club_

_Please let me know if you will be able to attend or not, and… _

The cigarette had been forgotten as he reread the letter, and he absentmindedly put it in the ashtray, stubbing it out. He licked over his lip, deep in thought, before he tugged his cellphone out of his jeans and glanced at the letter one last time before dialing.

"Hello?"

He took a deep breath. "Is that… is that Konan?"

"Yes, who's speaking?"

"It's Hidan. You know… from high school?"

--

"A high school reunion, eh?" The pink-haired woman threw another dart; it narrowly missed a guy's ear. The guy cursed at her, but she only smirked at him, as if she had fully intended to hit him instead of the dartboard. "Sounds like fucking shit, if you ask me."

He rolled his violet eyes, silver hair gleaming in the dim light of the bar, and sipped on his drink. "Too fucking bad, 'cause you're coming with me, bitch."

She raised an eyebrow, lowering the hand with the darts. "And why the hell should I do that, bastard?"

"'Cause you love me, whore."

She snorted. "Hidan, _please_, there is one thing that turns me off more than your fucking gross personality: you have a dick, idiot."

Hidan glared childishly at her. "Well nobody has to know that you're a fucking lesbo, Tayuya. I just can't go there alone, for fuck's sake."

"Why the fuck not? You always go to shit alone!"

He sighed, clearly annoyed, and pulled her closer to him so he wouldn't have to talk so loud. "Ex boyfriend."

"What the fuck? You're a fucking famous author whose books have been bestsellers for a while now, why the hell would you be afraid of meeting a fucking exboyfriend?"

"Because he was the only guy who ever fucking dumped me!" Hidan glared at her. "I fucking told you about that Kakuzu shithead!"

"Oooh…" Tayuya smirked at her best friend. "The only guy who ever dumped your ugly ass… Now him, I want to have a drink with."

"Well, I don't." Hidan glared. "But I want to see what became of everyone; I haven't gone to a single fucking reunion."

"Your own fault, moron, so stop fucking complaining."

"So are you coming with me or not, bitch?"

She rolled her eyes, crossing her arms over her chest. "Fine. After all, I have ass-kicking rights as your best friend. Now stop fucking moping, you fucking pussy, this isn't like you!"

"I'm not moping, damn woman!"

"Then what the hell is your problem?!"

"He fucking _dumped_ me Tayuya! Me!"

She rolled her eyes yet again. "If you're so fucking pissed because he dumped you, why don't you just fucking get him to date you again so you can fucking dump _him_?"

Hidan blinked. "Tayuya… you are a fucking genius."

-

Yep. As soon as I finish HFAR, I start posting the next chaptered fic. :P

This will probably take me a while to update because I have exams again and I am starting a new job --


	2. Reunion

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

"_You hate someone whom you really wish to love, but whom you cannot love. Perhaps he himself prevents you. That is a disguised form of love."_

- Sri Chinmoy

-- Chapter 01 --

_Was this supposed to be his death?_

_No. It couldn't be. Maybe this was his comment on wishing someone could kill him coming back to bite him in the ass._

_He couldn't die. He was immortal. But what would his existence be worth as a head buried deep in the ground with his body blasted into pieces, hidden all over the forest? Sure, Jashin had given him immortality, but not the ability to grow back his entire body. _

_He was angry; angry at that kid who defeated him, angry at the fucking Leader for having called him back when he could have defeated them all with ease, and most of all, he was angry with himself for letting his partner be right. _

"_Be careful or you'll die." _

_Damn._

Ctrl, a, del.

Hidan reached for his pack of cigarettes, lying on his desk next to his laptop; the pack slipped from his fingers several times before he simply slammed his hand down on it and dragged it closer. He tugged out one of the desired cancersticks, scowling when he saw there were only a few left. The fumbling through his pants for a lighter turned into a real adventure, but after half a minute, he was finally able to take a drag of that satisfying taste, smoke filling his lungs.

He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose with his free hand.

Damn it all to fucking hell. It had taken Hidan years, _years_ to write the first three books of his most famous series, and to have them all end in such a scene would have been a disgrace.

Why was it that he couldn't find the perfect ending for his book? The immortal had to die; there simply wasn't another way for it to end.

But all attempts of writing the end had turned out to be failure; they just lacked something he couldn't quite put a name on. What was it they lacked? What did _he_ lack?

--

Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out.

Such a simple concept, and yet, it seemed too difficult for Hidan to manage the moment he got out of the taxi in front of the Red Cloud Club.

He reached into his jacket, and ah, breathing was so much easier with the help of a cigarette, maybe some vodka once he entered the club…

He walked towards the entrance, and of course, was stopped by a security.

"Private party tonight, sorry."

Hidan smirked at the security, slipping his sunglasses down the bridge of his nose slightly – because wearing sunglasses at night was _just so cool_. "I'm fucking invited. Look me up – Hidan San, seriously. Class of 198-fucking-8."

The security quickly checked his list and let him in. Thank fucking God.

The club wasn't crowded yet, but their class had been particularly small, anyway. He already recognized Yahiko's bright orange hair at the bar talking towards Bluey-chan – the nickname Hidan had always used for the only female in the class, Konan – and if he wasn't mistaken, Nagato was with them, too.

"Oh, if it isn't Hidan-san?!"

Hidan raised an eyebrow and looked towards his right; sure enough, the former classclown Tobi was walking towards him. He had grown quite a bit, too… "Hi, retard."

Tobi grinned at him. "I'm so glad you could make it, Hidan-san! Do you want a drink? Everything is for free tonight!"

"Vodka. Straight. In the biggest glass you have."

"My my, Hidan-san, you're an alcoholic now?!"

Hidan glared. "Go get me my fucking drink, you fucking moron."

Five minutes later, Tobi returned with a (too small) glass containing a clear liquid and a man with short, blond hair by his side. "See, Deidara-san, I told you Hidan-san is here! And he became and alcoholic and a chain smoker!"

Hidan grabbed his drink from Tobi before smacking him up the hand. "I'm not a fucking chainsmoker or alcoholic, nutjob!"

Tobi sniffled. "And he's abusive! Save me, Deidara-san!"

Hidan paused. "Wait… that's _Deidara_?!"

He studied the grinning blond; in his memory, Deidara had long blond hair, always in a ponytail, which made him look sort of effeminate – but while this Deidara still had his one long bang that covered one blue eye, his hair was cut short in the back.

Dei smirked. "Live and in color, hm. Nice to see you again, Hidan – it's been twenty years, yeah."

Hidan rolled his eyes, sulking slightly. "Eat a dick, I've been busy."

"Ah, right!" Deidara smacked his own head. "My girlfriend loves your books; she wanted me to get your autograph or something, hm."

The thing was that hearing sentences like that was still weird, even though his books had been popular for a few years now. People didn't usually recognize him on the street, only when they heard his name did they suddenly get all excited. This was particularly funny when someone had been an ass to him previously.

Tobi gasped. "Deidara-san has a girlfriend?! I thought Deidara-san was gay!"

Deidara narrowed his eyes and glared at Tobi. "I dare you to say one more word, hm."

"Another word? Like about Hidan-san's drug addiction or your sexuality?"

Two men, two fists, one Tobi in a lot of pain.

--

Hidan had to admit that Deidara was good company to pass the time until Kakuzu finally arrived. It was almost like they were eighteen again; drinking, telling stories, being goofy with each other.

It was weird; he actually felt a little sentimental. His old classmates – his old friends – awakened a side in him that he had shown less and less over the years; even Tayuya, whom he loved and trusted as his best friend, didn't get to see him goofy like this.

He wondered what had happened to him. He was 38, smoked too much, lived on vodka and coffee and suffered severe writer's block. Midlife crisis much?

Hidan snickered, bumping his shoulders into Deidara's as the two men hunched over a table together. "I bet Kakuzu is balding and fat…"

"Actually, I make sure I go to the gym on a regular basis."

"Yeah, seriousl-" Hidan froze for a moment before slowly, very slowly lifting his head to look at the intruder.

Damn him. Damn him to fucking hell. Even at nearly fourty years, Kakuzu was the hottest thing Hidan's mind could comprehend. He was still so tall, still so muscular, his skin was the same tan shade it always used to be, and his eyes were still of a stunning green. His hair still hung loosely around his head (though he kept it a little shorter than he used to), and the only thing that really reminded Hidan of all the time that had passed were the small wrinkles around Kakuzu's eyes.

Hidan hated him. He hated Kakuzu for still looking so fucking good, hated him for making his heart skip a beat, hated him for not looking old so Hidan could feel better about himself. He hated him so much that he actually felt sick to his stomach, his fingers tightly gripping his glass with vodka as he stared up at the other, purple eyes wide. "Kakuzu…"

Kakuzu raised an eyebrow, staring Hidan down. "Before you go around telling what other people might look like, you should take a look in the mirror. You look like shit."

"What are you saying, bastard?!" Hidan's shock was quickly forgotten and he got up, grabbing Kakuzu by the collar of his probably expensive designer shirt. "At least I'm not some wrinkly old man!"

"No," Kakuzu calmly replied, removing Hidan's hand from his shirt without much effort, "you are too skinny, which makes you look ten times older than you really are, and you've gotten unhealthily pale."

"You fucking asshole!"

Kakuzu smirked, sitting down between Hidan and Deidara. "Is that all you have to say after twenty years?"

Hidan glared at him. How dare Kakuzu be so confident? This wasn't the way it was supposed to go; Kakuzu was supposed to be a bald, fat accountant or something like that, not a sexpot who looked down on him! Kakuzu was supposed to make Hidan feel better about himself, like it had been a good thing that Kakuzu had broken up with him because he was a loser now!

Oh, how Hidan _hated_ him.

It took a lot of willpower, but eventually, Hidan managed to force a smile. "I guess you're right, I should probably eat some more…"

"Or stop drinking."

Hidan twitched. Here he was, trying to be _nice_, and Kakuzu looked right through him. Kakuzu had always had a talent for that; no matter what lies Hidan made up, Kakuzu immediately knew what was going on. They had only spent five minutes together after twenty years, and Hidan hadn't said much, but Kakuzu already seemed to know Hidan's problems.

So if he really did try to get Kakuzu to date him again – would Kakuzu realize it was for the purpose of breaking his heart? Surely, he wouldn't trust Hidan.

There was no-one who knew Hidan better than Kakuzu did; he didn't even have to look at Hidan's face to read his mind.

The question was now: What did Hidan have to do to gain Kakuzu's trust? How could he get Kakuzu to date him again?

Hidan hadn't really changed since back then. Add a pack of cigarettes a day, some vodka at night to fight his insomnia and a severe case of writer's block, there you go, the Hidan of today.

So... if Kakuzu loved him back then, would he love him again, since Hidan didn't really change much?

Nah, it couldn't be that easy; Kakuzu had broken up with him, so that meant he probably didn't love Hidan anymore. Maybe he really should have asked Kakuzu why rather than punching him in the face back then...

He had to try it differently; he had to convince Kakuzu that he was a different person now.

"You know," he announced, interrupting Deidara's and Kakuzu's small talk, "I've gotten fucking rich, Kakuzu."

Ah, yes! Great idea, Hidan! Kakuzu had always been a moneywhore; surely, this would make him like Hidan more!

"So?" Kakuzu looked unimpressed. "I bet my bank account has more zeros than yours."

"My next book is more anticipated than the last Harry fucking Potter book!"

"I have a good reputation as a cardiac surgeon, but beside that, I wouldn't even have to work because I have such a fine hand with stocks."

Tobi blinked, bringing another round of drinks to the table. "Deidara-san, what are those two doing?"

Dei sighed. "Verbally comparing dicksizes, un."

Kakuzu smirked. "And we all know that if we did that, I'd still win. Right, Hidan?"

Hidan was honestly on the verge of bursting from anger and embarrassment. No matter what he said, Kakuzu always one-upped him.

Hidan was angry, and at that moment, he felt so much hate towards Kakuzu that his determination to attempt to break the other's heart was at its maximum.

It took him a lot of willpower, but he forced a confident smirk. "Actually, I don't remember. Maybe you should freshen up my memory."

Kakuzu was too surprised to give a smartass comment, and _damn_, did that feel fucking good.

"Uh. I don't think we're needed here, yeah." Deidara grabbed the oblivious Tobi by his shirt and dragged him away.

Hidan was still smirking when Kakuzu finally cleared his throat. "Okay. I didn't expect that."

Hidan's smirk grew. "Thanks, I try. So, fucking seriously now, how have you been?"

Kakuzu took a sip of his water. "Life has been stressful, but I'm happy. Wish I could spend more time with my kids, though."

For a moment, Hidan panicked completely. Kids? _Kids_?! Why the hell did Kakuzu have fucking kids?! That just decreased Hidan's chances of getting back with him by a bajillion! "You're err... you're married?"

"Not anymore." Kakuzu looked down at his glass. "The divorce was part of the stress, but so worth every cent of it."

Hidan raised an eyebrow. "That bad?"

Kakuzu rolled his eyes. "You have no idea. All she cared about was spending my money. Didn't work a day in her life, didn't take care of the kids..."

"Then why the fuck did you marry her?"

"Her father was rich and liked me." Kakuzu shrugged. "He pretty much paid my studies."

"You're such a fucking opportunistic asshole, seriously."

"Says the guy who probably had to suck a million dicks to get where he is today."

"Hey, I got where I am for my fucking talent, asshole!"

"Yeah, you were always talented at giving head..."

Hidan scowled at him. "Hey, hey, I know you want me really fucking bad, but flattery won't get ya anywhere."

Kakuzu smirked. "We'll see. Now, how have you been?"

"Hmph." Hidan crossed his arms over his chest. "Besides some writer's block, I've been fucking amazing."

"So I take it you haven't married anyone."

Hidan snorted in response. "Please, marriage is nothing but a fucking prison, I'd _never_ get married!"

Kakuzu kicked his leg slightly under the table in a teasing way. "Of course, no-one would even want to marry you."

Hidan raised an eyebrow, his lips curling into a smirk. "Aren't you too old to play footsie?"

"I wasn't playing footsie. I was kicking you, it was meant to be violence."

"Abuse!"

Could someone please explain to him why it came so natural to go back into flirty banters with Kakuzu? It might have been the way they had always acted towards each other twenty years ago, but damn, with all that time, you'd think it'd be different now.

They talked so much, but they didn't really say anything. Everything that came from their mouths was meaningless, but it didn't seem forced, wasn't awkward.

When it neared midnight, he didn't even notice that he hadn't smoked since Kakuzu arrived, or that he forgot his pack of cigarettes back on the table. He hadn't realized that he started drinking water to cool his throat rather than drinking vodka to make his mind go numb.

All he noticed was that Kakuzu smiled (it was more of a light curl in the corners of his mouth, but that was as close to a smile as you could get from him) and that their knees brushed when they sat in a taxi together (because Kakuzu's hotel was actually only a few blocks from Hidan's apartment).

He climbed out of the taxi when they arrived at Kakuzu's hotel because that just seemed natural. He paid the taxi driver because Kakuzu was a stingy bastard. He followed Kakuzu to his room, and when Kakuzu pulled him inside he chuckled because this was just so much easier than he thought.

--

Tayuya practically threw herself into the chair in the tiny café she and Hidan liked to go to together. "Okay, fuckface, it's ten in the fucking morning on a Sunday, why the hell did you call me?"

Hidan pushed his sunglasses back up the bridge of his nose and pulled his light brown leather jacket a little tighter before lifting his cup of black coffee to take a sip. "Don't you want to know how the fuck everything went last night?"

"I guess." Tayuya scrunched up her nose. "By the way, the scarf you're wearing is totally fucking hideous."

"It's Kakuzu's." Hidan smirked, raising an eyebrow and unwrapping the scarf from around his throat.

Tayuya's eyes widened slightly. "Whoah, someone's a fucking biter. Still, running around with hickeys is better than that ugly-ass scarf."

Hidan snickered. "I _told_ you, I stole it from Kakuzu. He'll want it back, so he'll have to come see me again."

The pink haired woman raised an eyebrow. "Wait, I thought you were breaking up with him?"

Hidan rolled his eyes. "It was just a fuck, Tayuya, it's not the same if I tell him to fuck off now! We were together for over than a year!"

"So you'll date him for a fucking year, or what?"

"Of course not." Hidan rolled his eyes yet again. "Just so long until I feel it'll fucking hurt him enough. He's got to feel like I'm pushing a fucking knife into his heart and twisting it around."

Tayuya sighed. "I'm starting to regret giving you this idea…"

--

Geez, Hidan, make up your mind.

Let me know what you think :)


	3. Rejected

One day, I swear I will kill writer's block.

Disclaimer: I don't own a thing.

„_Kann mich wieder nicht ablenken, alles dreht sich nur um dich, ich liege hier und zähl die Tage, wie viele noch kommen – ich weiß es nicht. Was hast du mit mir gemacht? Warum tust du mir das an? Was soll ich noch ändern? Ich komm nur wieder bei dir an. Ich will weg von hier, doch es scheint egal wohin ich lauf, das mit dir hört nicht auf, sag mir wann hört das auf?" _

(Silbermond – Durch die Nacht)

--

"_We need to talk." _

_Hidan smirked, grabbing Kakuzu's shoulder and trying to pull him to the dancefloor. "You don't talk on prom night, Kuzu! Let's have fun!" _

_Kakuzu glared, pulling back from his boyfriend. "I'm serious, Hidan. Stop the childish bullshit. We need to talk. Come on, let's go somewhere quiet." _

_The sentence "We need to talk" was never good. It was worse than "never good" in this case, though. Standing outside the decorated gym, Hidan stared up at Kakuzu's face. The music blared loudly, yet Hidan could understand Kakuzu's words quite clearly. _

"_It's better if we go our separate ways." _

_And just like that, Kakuzu threw 14 months of their lives, countless kisses, a few whispered "I love you"s, a whole planned future and one heart away and stomped on them. _

_It was Hidan's first and last time crying publicly, screaming at everyone who dared to come near him. _

--

Hidan awoke drenched in sweat to the sound of his doorbell ringing. He quickly sat up, wiped his face on the sheets and then got up.

"Coming, asshole!" He shouted when someone started banging on his door rapidly. Scratching his lower back with one hand, he opened the door with the other – and was immediately pushed back against the wall.

"Where the hell is my scarf? And don't lie, I know you took it."

Hidan rolled his eyes. "I'd show you, but you're pinning me to a fucking wall. Kinky, but not helpful. And you woke me up; I don't function without coffee."

"Give me my scarf."

"Gee," Hidan pretended to think, "seems like I can't remember a thing before I had some fucking coffee…"

"Yeah, really funny." Kakuzu glared, letting go of the shorter man. "Now go get me my scarf before I kill you."

Hidan snorted, walking towards his bedroom. "How the hell did you know where my fucking apartment is, anyway?"

"You wrote your address and phone number on my suitcase, idiot. With permanent marker."

Hidan snickered quietly before returning to Kakuzu, the hideous scarf in his hands. "There ya go, asshole."

Kakuzu glared. "About time. I'm leaving."

"Hey, hey…" Hidan smirked in what he knew was a seductive manner, quickly grasping Kakuzu's hand. "Why the hurry?"

Kakuzu glared. "I'm going home."

Hidan tried not to let his annoyance show and stepped closer to Kakuzu. Back when they had dated, there had always been something that the taller man couldn't resist, and Hidan was going to test if it still worked.

Kakuzu loved to be in control; he wanted to make decisions, he wanted to be informed, he wanted to be completely in charge of everything.

And when he wasn't…

Hidan's smirk widened as he suddenly pushed Kakuzu against the wall, pressing up to him and letting his lips brush over a little exposed skin on the brunette's neck. "How about I fuck you senseless?"

For a moment, the tension was so thick that you could have cut it with a knife, and then suddenly, Kakuzu pushed Hidan away and quickly reversed their roles. Hidan was rather pleased with his plan working out so well. Now Kakuzu would –

"No."

…What?

Kakuzu glared down at his ex boyfriend, pinning his hands against the wall. "Last night was a fuck, nothing more. We're not dating again. We're not even going to see each other until there is another reunion. I don't know what the hell you were trying to achieve, but…"

The brunette let go, taking a step back and looking down at the silver-haired man, sneering. "It's not going to work. Twenty years, but you haven't changed in the least."

And then, just like that, he left Hidan's apartment, slamming the door as he went.

For a while, Hidan just stood there, dumbfounded. Kakuzu had _rejected_ him? What the fucking hell?

His chest ached, and he found it suddenly hard to breathe. This was – no, it couldn't… Kakuzu couldn't have seen through him, could he?

Hidan's blood boiled, his heart pounding rapidly in his chest. That – that fucker! How dare he reject him?! He was Hidan San, for God's fucking sake! He was famous, he was rich, and he was fucking handsome, how the hell could Kakuzu reject him still?!

He hated him. He hated Kakuzu with every fiber of his being. He hated that arrogant sneer, he hated his nearly expressionless face, he hated the lips that claimed ownership over Hidan's skin just the night before, and above all, he hated that even after twenty years, Kakuzu was the only man who could get Hidan to scream from his very core, whether it was in ecstasy or anger.

--

"I'm home."

Kakuzu paused in the foyer of his large house, waiting for a reaction, but there was none. He sighed and moved his luggage to go and unpack.

On the way to the laundry room, he passed a door with a "KEEP OUT" sign on it. There was loud music coming from inside, and as it annoyed him, he opened the door. "Asuka, turn your music down."

Sitting on the bed was a girl who must have just barely reached puberty, possibly 12 or 13, wearing black skinny jeans and a black t-shirt, and her messy chin-length bob was of the same color as Kakuzu's own hair. She looked up at him, bright green eyes glaring. "What?"

Kakuzu sighed. Kids in puberty were just too much to deal with.

--

Tayuya had been having a bad morning; first she had overslept and had to skip a shower to be in time for her weekly breakfast with Hidan, and now that fucking _asshole_ wasn't even at the café!

After waiting for half an hour, she got back into her car and made her way to his apartment. Of course, he did not answer the door, no matter how hard she pounded against it.

Luckily, though, she had a spare key.

Upon entering the apartment, she immediately made a face; she went right to the window and opened the blinds and then the window itself to get rid of the stench.

The whole apartment smelled like vodka, cigarettes and sex.

She nearly stumbled over an empty bottle on the ground and started to pick the trash up, throwing it all on the couch and cursing Hidan.

When she was finally able to walk without falling, she marched into Hidan's bedroom. "Get the fuck up, fuckface!"

She practically ripped open the curtains, letting sunlight stream into the dark and smelly room, and quickly opened the window, eliciting a groan coming from the messy bed.

She huffed, stomping towards the bed. She grabbed a little pink thong hanging from the bedpost, making a disgusted face when she saw a number and 'call me' scrawled on it with a marker. "Hidan, what the fucking fuck? Who the hell did you screw last night?"

The silver-haired man sighed sleepily, pulling his blanket over his head. "Dunno. She left around eight in the fucking morning though… Stupid bitch woke me up."

Tayuya started trying to pull Hidan's blanket away. "You fucking cuntbubble, I was fucking waiting for you at the café!"

"Leave me the fuck alone, I'm hungover as fuck."

"You're such a fucking douchebag, going to a fucking party without me."

Hidan clicked his tongue, seriously annoyed and ripped his blanket from Tayuya's hands. "Fucketh thine self."

"If you don't get out of that shit-ass bed soon, I am going to fuck you up so bad that –"

"Oh shut the fuck _up_! I'm up, I'm up! At least make me some fucking coffee, bitch!"

She snorted. "You stood me up, you should be the one making coffee!"

"Ugh, fine! Just let me put some fucking clothes on!"

-

Half an hour later found Hidan, wearing sunglasses, and Tayuya in the café they had wanted to meet at, Tayuya sipping on a cappuccino and Hidan taking careful gulps of his black coffee.

"So, jackass, why don't you just fucking spill?"

Hidan raised an eyebrow. "Pardon?"

Tayuya rolled her eyes. "First you fuck with that former classmate of yours, tell me about it, and then you don't talk to me for a week? You didn't take care of your fucking apartment –"

"I was never fucking fond of cleaning, seriously…"

"But not to this fucking extent!" She slammed her hand on the table, glaring. "Tell me what the fuck is wrong or I will shove my fist do far up your ass that not even you will enjoy it."

Hidan snorted. "No need for fucking threats, whore… Kakuzu fucking rejected me. A-fucking-gain."

"And that's why you're sulking?" She rolled her eyes. "You're such a fucking dumbass, idiot. You were really fucking naïve to think that he'd just take you back without hesitation – I mean, fuck, there was a reason that he broke up with you!"

"…"

"…You know that reason, right?"

"…"

She took a deep breath. "Hidan. Why did he break up with you?"

"…Cause he's a jerk?"

She glared. "I'm serious. What did he say?"

"He didn't say any-fucking-thing!" The silver-haired man threw his arms up in frustration. "Just that it was over!"

"And you didn't even fucking ask him?!"

"I was angry, I didn't exactly think about his oh-so-fucking-deep reasons!"

Tayuya smacked her friend. Hard. "Jesus fucking Christ, no wonder he left you! You put your fucking hurt pride before _asking why_!"

Hidan gasped, not even caring that his best friend just hit him. "That's genius, Tayuya! If I could fucking make him believe that I'm all sensitive and mature now and ask him why, maybe he'll – "

The pink haired woman sighed, slamming her palm to her face. "Why do I even fucking bother?"

--

Hidan stared at his mirror image enthusiastically. "Now, a different person should look different…" He took a deep breath, grabbed a tube of hairgel, a pair of scissors and a hairbrush. "Alright, let's fucking do this!"

--

"A-Anou… Kakuzu-sama?"

Kakuzu looked up from his laptop and quickly took off his glasses, rubbing his eyes. "Hinata-san, what is it?"

The shy young woman blushed. "I just w-wanted to…" She quickly thrust an envelope towards her employer. "I'msorrybutIhavetohandinmynotice."

Kakuzu stared blankly at her. "You're quitting?"

She nodded miserably. "I-I g-got accepted t-to a f-far away university…"

Kakuzu sighed, looking back down at his laptop. "Guess I'll have to start looking for a new nanny…"


	4. Rebellion

Disclaimer: I don't own shit.

You should all hail Silverlynxcat, who gave me the idea that got me out of my writer's block for this story. PRAISE HER!

--

"_Hnngh… Hidan?" _

_Kakuzu blinked his eyes open slowly, narrowing them to give them time to adjust to the light. "What are you doing? You should be sleeping." _

_Hidan, who had been sitting beside the bed with the bedside light on, looked up and grinned. "Writing." _

_Kakuzu sighed, annoyed with the situation, leaned over the edge of the bed to grab Hidan's notebook and pencil. "Stop it. You can do that at a normal hour. Now come back to bed and sleep, idiot." _

_Hidan snickered, but climbed back into the bed willingly. Once comfortably snuggled into the blanket, he turned his head to grin at Kakuzu. "Ne, Kakuzu?" _

"_Oh for God's sake, what?!"_

"_When I finish my first book, I'm going to fucking dedicate it to you, seriously." _

--

Kakuzu stared at the book in his hands; it was a paperback novel with the title 'The First Book of Jashin'. He had read the summary a lot of times, and each time, he thought that it sounded interesting and turned the book to open it.

He flipped through the introductory pages, the preamble, until he reached the dedication.

_To the one who doesn't fucking deserve it – to the one I hate the most. _

Kakuzu's lips slipped into a bitter smirk. Hidan had kept his word; he had dedicated his first book to Kakuzu.

He sighed, tossing the book onto his bed and starting to rub his forehead as he left his room. "Asuka, Ryou! Breakfast!"

--

"So, how do I look?"

Tayuya raised an eyebrow, scanning Hidan's body. He had ditched the Diesel shirt and black jeans for blue straight-cut jeans and a white shirt with light grey pinstripes. On his wrist gleamed a Rolex, outshining the silver ring on a finger of the same hand. His hair was still slicked back, but when he turned around, Tayuya realized that it was short in the back now. "You look less like a thirty-nine-year old trying to look twenty-five."

He glared. "I wasn't _that_ bad."

She smirked. "I'm serious, you look good. Put on a bit of weight, get some more sun and you'll look deliciously fuckable."

"Ah, you haven't even seen the best part!" Hidan smirked and pointed at his neat (though it was not tucked in) shirt. "Mature Hidan…" He flipped the collar up. "Cool Hidan!"

"…"

"Get it?" Collar down. "Mature Hidan…" Collar up. "Cool Hidan! Mature Hidan… Cool Hidan!" Collar down. "Oh, hi Kakuzu! You want to discuss politics because I'm so fucking mature? Sure thing! You have to use the bathroom? No problem, I'll wait…" Collar up. "Helloooo ladies! No worries, there's a piece of Hidan for everyone!"

She punched him. Twice. And then again for good measure. "Get serious, you idiot! You're not going to make Kakuzu want you back just by looking mature!"

"Ow! Fucking dyke…" Hidan rubbed his sore arm, where the latest punch had hit him. "There's more to my plan, bitch…" He crossed his arms in front of his chest. "Ya see, before I even meet him again, I have to make sure he doesn't fucking forget me. My face needs to be all over the fucking country! Interviews on TV and in magazines, signings, all the good shit that makes him see my face every day." He smirked maliciously. "I want him to know that there's no fucking way out."

--

Kakuzu sighed, slumped on his couch in front of the flatscreen TV and lazily flipped through the channels. It had been a hard day with three major surgeries and he'd been on call the previous night – scratch that, the previous _week_ – and those stupid new interns paged him for every stupid thing.

An all too familiar face smirked at him from the TV. Kakuzu raised an eyebrow, sitting up properly.

Hidan looked… _different_. Not necessarily bad, but without the long hair and the shirts that were just short enough to let him show a bit of hip bone, he looked, in a way… mature?

"It has been a whole year since the publishing of your last book called 'The Third Book of Jashin'. Are you currently working on the sequel? How many will there be?"

Hidan smiled, looking surprisingly friendly. "I have nearly finished writing the next book, which is also the last one in this series."

"Over already?" The interviewer frowned. Kakuzu snorted. "I myself am a big fan of your books, I must admit. But they are very dark and twisted with a lot of cynicism, bitterness and, dare I say, insanity. Kafkaesque, in a way. Where do you take your inspirations from?"

"Ah, a lot of things." Hidan scratched the back of his head, and dear God, Kakuzu _so_ didn't think it looked adorable. "A huge part of my inspiration comes from nightmares I've had as a teenager –"

Kakuzu turned the TV off with an annoyed expression and got off the couch when he heard something shuffling behind it. Narrowing his eyes, he leaned over the back. "What are you doing? You were supposed to be in bed three hours ago."

A boy, around seven or eight years old with slightly messy dark brown hair and large green eyes frowned up at him. "But… Daddy…"

Kakuzu sighed. "Ryou, why aren't you in bed?"

The boy suddenly gasped before starting to cough, though it sounded very fake. He sniffled once. "I'm ill, Daddy… I can't go to school tomorrow."

"Nice try, but you're still going to school." Kakuzu walked around the couch and picked the brunette boy up. "Come on, I'm taking you to bed."

--

Kakuzu was not spared for long.

In fact, he was seriously _spammed_ with Hidan; he was _everywhere_. He was on TV, on the radio, in the newspaper, even Kakuzu's favorite economic magazine wrote about him!

"Daaaad," Asuka drawled, entering the living room and blandly standing between Kakuzu and the TV. "I want your opinion on my book report."

"Later."

"No, not later." She crossed her arms over her flat chest. "Now." She glared, looking rather comical with all that eyeliner around her eyes.

Kakuzu glared right back. "I said later. I want to watch this."

She huffed and held her paper in front of her face, starting to read it out in an obnoxiously loud voice. "The First Book of Jashin by Hidan San is a novel published in 2002. The story takes place in a world where Shinobi exist and have mysterious powers. The main character is a Shinobi who lives through a civil war that made his home village pacifistic. Starved for strife, he leaves his village for a while and comes back as a Priest of Jashin to slaughter those who used to mock him. As he continues killing, a mysterious organization gets wind of his secret powers and tries to recruit him. San's way of writing is brilliant, filled with lots of dark metaphors and very unique; none of the characters in the book have names, they are always referred to by the Jashinist's first impression. The Jashinist's later partner, for example, is always called 'The Miser'. This series has been criticized a lot because violence and gore are very graphic –"

She paused and looked up from her paper. Her father was gone. "DAD!"

--

Kakuzu was curled up on the couch in the hospital's break room, glaring daggers at everyone daring to enter it. It worked most of the time, but some people were not intimidated by his Deathglare of Doom ™.

One of them was the head physician Tsunade, who simply stole a tomato from Kakuzu's lunch and sat on his legs. "Don't you usually go home for lunch?"

"Go away."

"Rude."

"Leave me alone."

"What was that, you want me to schedule a pacemaker surgery for you?"

Grumble, mumble, growl, shift.

She smirked. "What's got your panties in a bunch?"

"You. Eating my tomatoes and cutting off the circulation in my legs."

She squeezed his ankle. Hard. "What was that?"

Kakuzu gritted his teeth. "Everywhere I go, I see the face of that stupid author everywhere! Now my daughter is obsessed with his books…"

"Which one?"

"Hidan San."

"Oooh…" Tsunade's eyes narrowed in thought. "I think I know that one. He wrote that macabre book about the immortal, right? A good read; too much gore for my taste, but he has an irresistible style."

Kakuzu kicked her off without hesitation.

--

"Daddy! You're home!"

Kakuzu knew something was up when Asuka called him 'Daddy'. Nevertheless, he let her lead him to the couch, where a cup of fresh coffee and his newspaper were waiting. He took a sip of the strong brew, closing his eyes and enjoying it thoroughly.

"You're all tense, Daddy, here, I'll rub your back!" Asuka beamed, humming and starting to massage her father's shoulders. Kakuzu groaned in appreciation. If she wanted more pocket money, damn it, he would gladly give it to her for ten minutes of massaging.

"Sooo…," Asuka started after a while, "I was reading the newspaper this morning, and guess what! They said that Hidan San will be doing a signing at the mall next week! Isn't that just awesome?"

Kakuzu grunted.

"And I was thinking… I mean, I'm at the top of my class anyway… so I could just miss one day of school and go, right?"

"No."

She stopped massaging, stomping her foot. "Oh come on, Dad! I haven't missed a single day of school, like, ever!"

"And we plan on keeping it that way."

"_You_ plan on keeping it that way!"

"Either way," he calmly sipped on his coffee, and Asuka swore it should have frozen from her father's cold acting, "you won't miss school for something like that. Also, you have to walk Ryou to school and home."

She rolled her eyes. "He's eight, he can walk himself!" She threw her arms up in frustration. "Dad, this means a lot to me! This means _everything _to me?! Why don't you understand?!"

Upon seeing her father stare at her in fascination, Asuka thought she might have broken through his cool front. Success!

"…Did you just hit puberty?"

She screamed in frustration. "You just don't want me to be happy! You're so… urgh!"

Kakuzu watched his daughter stomp off and raised an eyebrow. After she slammed the door shut, he sighed and rubbed his temple. "Six years and she'll be eighteen, six years and she'll be eighteen…"

--

One week later found Asuka and Ryou Hoku on their usual way to school. Both were wearing their school uniforms.

It wasn't until Asuka suddenly pushed Ryou into a narrow alley ten minutes away from their school that things became unusual.

The eight-year old frowned. "Nee-chan, what are you doing?"

She hastily pulled things out of her schoolbag. "Quick, take off your shirt and put this one on! We can't go to the mall in our school uniforms, duh!"

Ryou blinked. "What are we doing at the mall?"

She looked up and glared at him. "Going to San-sama's signing! Hello, you still sleeping?"

"But Daddy said –"

"I don't _care_ what the old man said!" She pulled off her shoes and started changing into a different skirt. "This will be the best day of my life and he's not going to stop it!"

--

Sorry for the short chapter D: And the seemingly endless wait.

Prepare for a lot of making fun of teenagers… 8D


	5. Regret

Disclaimer: I don't own jackshit.

**I'm leaving for a classtrip to Prague (Czech Republic) in 5 1/2 hours and won't be back before Friday night. Replies will therefore be delayed. **

To akatsuki_fangirl:

Sorry to disappoint, but I will definitely not write Hidan's books. There might be some excerpts in the fic, but overall, that would be way too much work for me. Also, the way I imagine Hidan to write (dark, nightmare-ish) is completely opposite of my style, which I consider to be more comical.

--

Asuka peeked around the corner, making sure no-one she recognized was anywhere near before grabbing her brother's hand and breaking into a run towards the bus stop. She swore she could hear the _Mission Impossible_ themesong playing in the background.

She looked around in suspicion before pulling her gasping brother into seats towards the back of the bus.

Ryou frowned. "I really don't think we should be doing this…"

"Oh grow a pair!" Asuka huffed, crossing her arms over her chest. "It's just this once. I'll buy you food afterwards if you're good."

Ryou gaped at his older sister in shock, mentally deciding that he was _so_ going to tell Daddy about all of this.

--

"Thanks for coming." Hidan smiled at the woman who handed him a book to sign, her hands shaking. "What's your name, hun?"

"K-Kikyo." She blushed as Hidan signed the book on its first page _– To Kikyo-chan, Hidan San_ – closed the book and handed it back.

"Next!" Hidan heard the security guard next to the signing table yell.

--

"No, no, you have to reschedule that surgery."

"Ah, you know what, I'll just let Kabuto –"

"Tsunade, I can do it, just push it –"

_Ring! _

Kakuzu let out an annoyed noise, pulling out his cell phone from his jacket. Just when he was about to leave for lunch break… "Yes?"

"Ah, Hoku-sama! I've been trying to get a hold of you, this is Umino Iruka, I am Asuka's homeroom teacher. I just wanted to hear how she is doing, since she has never been absent from class before…"

"Absent from class…?" Kakuzu narrowed his eyes. "Oh, I have a feeling she'll be doing a lot worse by the end of my lunch break…"

--

"Next in line!"

Hidan looked up from the surface of the signing table to smile at the next person, but found himself surprised that it was two children; a girl in her pre-teens and an elementary school boy. "You're certainly not sixteen yet…"

The girl – a very skinny, sort of tall one with short brown hair and green eyes – blushed, thrusting her book forward. "I-I know the book is 16+, b-but! It's, it's really good, and I really adore it and –"

Hidan chuckled, a little overwhelmed by her nervousness. "Hand me the book, sweetie. What's your name?"

"A-Asuka!"

The author grinned, signing the book 'To Asuka-chan, love Hidan'. "There you go, Asuka-chan."

For a moment, she looked like she was about to faint, her hands shaking when she got back the book, and Hidan didn't know whether to be flattered or annoyed. For fuck's sake, he was an author, not a member of a boyband!

"Let me through, that's my daughter! If you don't let go of me right in this instant, I will sue you!"

Hidan looked up, raising an eyebrow. His eyes nearly bugged out when he saw who was shouting at the security guy and generally causing uproar.

The girl and the boy looked panic-stricken upon seeing the man as well, and even though Hidan wasn't the brightest lightbulb, he could put two and two together. He saw the girl getting ready to dash away, but quickly grabbed her wrist, holding her. The boy looked too guilty to attempt to run away.

"Oh ", he began, smirking, "hey, let him through."

The security was uncertain for a moment, but then let go of the man.

Kakuzu straightened the sleeves of his pullover before storming towards the table, looking royally pissed off. Hidan was, however, taken aback when he was completely ignored. "You are in serious trouble, Asuka Hoku! Not only did you skip class even though I forbade you to come here, you even dragged your brother into it!"

Hidan cleared his throat. "Oi, shithead. As much as I love you seeing totally pissed, you're making a scene, seriously." He nodded towards one of the securities. "Look, I have ten more minutes to this signing. Gai will lead you to a back room, wait there for me, okay?"

Kakuzu narrowed his eyes, obviously ringing with himself, before sighing. "Fine."

--

"So…" Hidan smirked, lighting his cigarette with a match. He shook the match after the cigarette glowed and he took the first satisfying drag before flicking the match into an ashtray. He glanced at the other side of the table, where his guests were sat – Kakuzu, annoyed as ever, and the two children. The girl (Asuka, he reminded himself) looked excited, while the boy looked rather intimidated. "Do you want anything to drink?"

Kakuzu glared. "That thing's going to give you cancer."

Hidan rolled his eyes. "Sorry, sorry." His heart wept a little as he put out the cigarette. Must. Act. Mature. He forced a smile. "They really look a lot like you. Asuka and Ryou, was it?"

Asuka blushed and grinned in embarrassment. "I didn't know Dad knew you, San-sama…"

"Just call me Hidan." He winked. "And yeah, your father and I go way… waaay back." His smirk grew when he saw Kakuzu's glare darken. "We were best friends in school."

She gasped, and her eyes widened, which looked really funny with all that eyeliner around them. "I didn't know that! Dad, why didn't you tell me?!"

Kakuzu grumbled, crossing his arms over his chest and looking away. "You didn't ask."

Hidan coughed to cover up a laugh; Kakuzu acting childish like that was rare and really an amusing sight. He cleared his throat. "How have things been, 'Kuzu? We haven't really talked in a while."

"My daughter just hit puberty," Kakuzu replied dryly, "how do you think I'm doing?"

"Dad!" Asuka nudged her father, face bright red, and Hidan snickered.

"Don't make your Dad worry too much, Asuka-chan." Hidan winked at her. "You don't want him to go grow grey hair already, do you?"

"Actually," Asuka leaned over the table slightly as if to tell a secret, "I think he already does. I've found hairdye in the bathroom."

Hidan tried really, really hard not to crack up at the glare Kakuzu was sending into his direction, but it was just so hard! He pressed his lips firmly shut, which in turn made the laughter come out as a snort, which was so much more uncool. He quickly clamped a hand over his mouth, giving a sort of high-pitched laugh from the back of his throat. He coughed to try to hide it and looked away. "Really now… Man, Kakuzu, why didn't you tell me? I thought we were bff!" Seriously, shithea – err, I mean, _Kakuzu_, maybe you should work less or…"

"One more word," the brunette growled, "and I will kill you."

The silver-haired man smirked back at him. "As if you could pull it off, old man."

Kakuzu took a deep breath. "Look, Hidan, I'm grateful you stopped Asuka from running, but I have to take them to school and go back to the hospital."

"Already?!" Asuka frowned at her father. "Can't we just –"

"No."

"The~n!" Asuka turned to look at Hidan desperately. "Can we invite you to dinner at our house?!"

Kakuzu nearly choked on his spit. Hidan, needless to say, was amused to no end. "I'm afraid I have to pass, I have a tight schedule with the signings at the moment." He smiled at Asuka's sinking expression. "But I will gladly come visit you when my promotional tour is over. How's that?"

"Yes!"

If looks could really kill, Kakuzu would have been in jail for murder.

--

"Do you even begin to understand how angry I am?!"

"Yeah, yeah…"

"No, not 'yeah yeah'! 'Yeah yeah' means 'kiss my ass'! I'm furious, Asuka! You went there despite the fact that I forbade you to do so, you skipped class and you dragged your brother into it!"

"Why don't you understand how important this was for me?!" Asuka stomped her foot. "His books mean everything to me, Dad!"

"They are _books_! They're not real, Asuka, how could they possibly mean everything to you?!"

She was crying. Fuck, _fuck_, he had not wanted to make her cry, but there she was, her face flushed and her eyeliner running down her cheeks. "Why are you trying to make me miserable?! If I wanted to be judged for who I am, I would've gone with Mom when you got divorced! You just don't understand me!"

Kakuzu should be apologizing to her. He knew that he should; he had hurt her feelings – unnecessarily so – and he really, really should be apologizing right about now. But she was his daughter, she had disobeyed him, and she was irrational.

It was just too much for Kakuzu. Up until now, he had had two cute kids; a girl who did well in school and liked when he ruffled her hair in praise, and a boy who was usually content sitting on Kakuzu's lap as they practiced reading together. He had not signed up for the _How to handle your demon daughter's fast-approaching puberty _class.

He sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "Asuka, go to your room, _now._ You are grounded for four weeks and I will be looking for a new nanny starting tomorrow."

"Four weeks?! But –" She gaped at him in shock. "But summer break starts in two weeks!"

"I will not hesitate to ground you over summer break, too. Now go!"

--

"I honestly don't know what to do anymore," Kakuzu muttered, face hidden in his arms, which were crossed on the tabletop. "Usually I'm prepared for everything. I thought she'd understand that school's important, ya know… but she – she really doesn't. Are you – Tsunade, Tsunade, are you pouring me another glass?"

The blond grinned, trying to hold back a snicker as she nudge the refilled glass of wine towards her friend and colleague. "You sure are talkative when you're drunk."

Kakuzu snorted. "I wouldn't get drunk when my children are home…" He chugged down the wine and then took a deep breath. "You know, it's his entire fault."

"Whose?"

"Hidan's."

"Who's Hidan?"

Kakuzu groaned. "That stupid author. My ex."

She grinned. "This just got a whole lot more interesting. Did he dump you? Is that why you can't stand him?"

He snorted again. "Of course not. _I_ dumped _him_."

"Really. Why?"

"You're nosy."

"You're drunk."

"Am not…"

She sighed. "Come on, I'm putting you in bed. You're going to feel awful tomorrow."

--

Tsunade had already left when Kakuzu's drunken mind decided that despite being tired as hell, he did not want to sleep.

He groaned quietly and rolled onto his side. His queen-sized bed felt empty and uncomfortable; he scrunched up his nose and turned the nightlight on. He rubbed his eyes with one hand and used the other to rummage through the drawer of his nightstand, trying to find his cellphone to see the time.

What his hand brought him, though, was an old photo, torn at the sides. Kakuzu studied it, raising an eyebrow. It showed himself and Hidan, twenty or twenty-one years younger than now; Hidan was frowning at the camera and trying to grab it; Kakuzu was smiling slightly.

His thumb traced his younger self's face; stress really had taken its toll on him, leaving Kakuzu with crinkles and dark circles around his eyes and, as his daughter had already noted, some graying hair.

He looked unhappy nowadays.

The brunette closed his eyes and rubbed his forehead with the back of his hand before reaching into the drawer again and finally pulling out his phone. His fingers were clumsy when they slid over the keys, trying to find a certain number in his address book, but eventually he succeeded and rolled onto his back, loosely pressing the phone to his ear.

Beep.

Beep.

Beep.

Bee – static noise, grumble. "Look, whoever the fuck is calling, it's three in the fucking morning and you better damn well have a good reason for calling!"

He didn't say anything.

"Ugh! Fucking stalkers! Say something, asshole! I'm going to fucking kill you if I woke up to a fucking prank call!"

He closed his eyes.

"You fucking creep! Shit, now I'm really awake and I'm _pissed_! Why haven't you hung up yet?! Do you know what I do when I'm pissed?! Cause when I'm pissed, I don't really care about the consequences of my actions anymore and –"

Kakuzu fell asleep with a smile on his face.

--

Hidan blinked sleepily at his cellphone when he heard quiet snoring interrupting his rant. "What the _fuck_?"

--

Oh Kakuzu, you will only be smiling until you see your phone bill X3


	6. Revenge I

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Well, actually I do own Asuka and Ryou…

I have started posting my fics on deviantart as well now. My username there is 'carriemehome', if you'd rather go there than here :)

To Leo – You'll find out why they broke up when the story progresses.

--

"Wow," Hidan raised an eyebrow, looking around. "Nice place."

It was. Kakuzu's house big; two stories with a big foyer, where Hidan was currently being greeted by the little family.

Asuka, today dressed in a short jeans skirt, black leggings and a black tanktop with pink headphones printed on it, grabbed Hidan's hand and started pulling him towards the hall. "You really think so?! I'll show you the house!"

Kakuzu rolled his eyes. "You do that. Just be in the dining room in time for dinner."

"We will be!" Asuka grinned happily and latched herself onto Hidan's arm. "Here, I'll show you the lower floor first! That over there is the kitchen, and the room next to it the dining room…"

--

Half an hour later, Hidan knew that all bedrooms were upstairs, as well as two guest rooms, and a large bathroom. Downstairs, it seemed, were the more "public" rooms such as the kitchen, living room, dining room and a small bathroom for guests. The only bedroom he had seen from the inside was Asuka's, and it reminded him a little of his own room – with less posters of My Chemical Romance and Fall Out Boy, and more posters of Val Halen and Guns 'n Roses.

They made it to dinner on time and Hidan sat opposite of Kakuzu – which happened to be next to Ryou. He grimaced when he saw what was placed in front of him.

Vegetables. Ugh. Ew. At least there was steak. He liked steak.

"I heard your publicity tour went well," Kakuzu said, taking a bite of his steak. "What are your next plans?"

Hidan chewed and swallowed carefully before replying. "I'm taking a bit of time off to finish the book. All I need is the last page – but it's the fucking end of the book, ya know? I can't fuck it up; it'd ruin the entire book, seriously."

Asuka agreed wholeheartedly, nodding so much that she almost choked on her food.

"By the way," he grinned at the girl, "did you get in much trouble? I hope Kakuzu shut an eye on you."

Her shoulders sunk. "I got grounded and more chores…"

"Dude, what the –" Hidan felt Kakuzu glare at him and cleared his throat, trying to appear mature. "I mean… that was very irresponsible of you." Asuka grinned at his lame cover, and Kakuzu's glare darkened even further.

"I'm going to hire a new nanny for them." Kakuzu gently dabbed his mouth with his napkin when he finished eating. "Ryou needs help with the homework, Asuka needs someone who can drive her to her friends' houses and pick her up, and I want someone to make sure they get to school and back safely."

Asuka glared at her father. "I'm really old enough to go to school by myself, Dad!"

Kakuzu snorted softly. "You're also old enough to skip school, as you have recently proved."

"That was _once_!"

Hidan raised an eyebrow, sitting back and watching father and daughter duke it out. After a few moments, he turned to Ryou. "Do they always fight like this?"

The shy boy frowned, looking down at his lap. He nodded slightly.

"Hm." Hidan tilted his head to watch the two brunettes again before an idea hit him.

Oh, it was too easy. Why hadn't he thought of it before? Kakuzu was a cheap bastard and Asuka apparently adored him. Why hadn't he just put two and two together? "Hey, how about I do that?"

Kakuzu stopped in the middle of chiding his daughter and turned towards Hidan, eyes narrowed. "What?"

The silver-haired man shrugged. "I have some time off and can't find inspiration at home; you need help with the kids. It's convenient."

Kakuzu snorted. "You couldn't take care of kids if you life depended on it."

Hidan scowled. "Hey, give me some credit. It seems like I get along better with your daughter than you do…"

"Oh, Daddy, please!" Asuka clung to her father's arm. "Pretty please with a cherry on top! I'll be really good, I won't skip school anymore and I'll help more with the chores!"

"You hear that?" Kakuzu rolled his eyes. "Suddenly I'm 'Daddy' again."

Hidan grinned. "So, what do you say, Kakuzu?"

Three pairs of eyes looked at the brunette hopefully, and he just could not handle it. He pinched the bridge of his nose, feeling a headache coming. "Ugh, fine… but only for a few weeks!"

--

After dinner, they all sat in the living room together. Kakuzu was sitting on the couch with Ryou sitting next to him (though he quickly fell asleep leaning against his father), Asuka sat next to Ryou and Hidan sat on an armchair near Kakuzu.

Asuka could only stare at her father and her role model as they talked; the main subject was "the good old days", which of course, Asuka could not contribute anything to. She still found it fascinating to listen to them talk – shared memories of friends, rivals, teachers, class trips.

The whole time though, she noticed that both of them often seemed like they were about to say something, stopped and said something else, glancing in her direction. Was there something she was not supposed to hear?

She felt like an intruder, but at the same time, she didn't want to leave; Hidan spoke of her father in ways that she could never imagine. Her father talking back at a teacher? Her father getting into fistfights? Her father getting loveletters? _Her_ father?

The next thing she knew, she was warm and comfortable in her bed with her father leaning over her, pressing a kiss to her forehead with his hair tickling her nose as her tucked her in.

She blinked sleepily. "Did I fall asleep?"

"Hmm." He smirked slightly. "Don't worry, Hidan thought it was cute."

She smiled, her mind not quite getting her father's teasing in her state of sleepiness. "Daddy…"

"Sleep now."

"Mhm… Love you, Daddy…"

--

Hidan smirked when he saw Kakuzu returning from Asuka's room. "What, no 'I love you too' for your baby girl?"

The brunette glared at him, and together they went back to the living room. "Shut up."

"Then again, you were _never _good at saying those words… I think you only ever said them to me once."

"And you said them too much, so we're even."

"You know," Hidan sat down on the couch and leant forward, pouring himself some of the wine they had opened earlier, "Sometimes I think you never did love me."

Kakuzu's glare darkened; he snatched Hidan's glass away from him. "You obviously had too much wine if you think that."

"What the fuck?" The silver-haired man glared right back and tried to retrieve the glass. "What else am I supposed to think? You broke up with me from one day to another, completely out of the blue, the next thing I know is that you're married –"

"Divorced."

"- _married_ and have two kids!"

"And these two kids will wake up if you don't _shut up_."

Hidan was boiling. He just wanted to know the god damn reason Kakuzu had broken up with him, but he kept on sidetracking! Fuck, _fuck_, he just wanted to yell at Kakuzu, maybe even punch him, but if he did, Kakuzu would surely throw him out, and he needed to stay close to get his revenge!

It was hard and his fists were shaking slightly with anger, but he forced himself to remain calm. "You're… you're right, I'm sorry. I had too much to drink; I probably shouldn't be digging up these old memories…"

Kakuzu stared at the silver-haired man who was currently getting off the couch and grabbing his jacket. "Can you call me a taxi? I should be heading to the fucking hotel and sleep this off."

Kakuzu calmly placed the glass he had taken from Hidan on the table before grabbing the aforementioned man by the front of his shirt and almost throwing him onto the couch, hands on either side of the surprised author's head. "You don't have to."

"Kakuzu, what the –"

The brunette smirked slightly. "Come on, Hidan, this isn't like you… You want to fight this out." His face was close to the silver-haired man's, their breaths mingling. "You love fighting, remember? I don't know why you're restraining yourself, trying to act all mature… I know you, Hidan. I know that right now, you would love to punch me, yell at me…"

He hated him. He hated him from the bottom of his heart; he hated that Kakuzu knew him so well, he hated that Kakuzu could read him like an open book, he hated that Kakuzu was so right all the time.

Hidan hated Kakuzu so much that he wouldn't let him be right.

His body stayed firmly still, and his eyes glared up at Kakuzu with a seriousness and intensity that neither of them knew he even possessed. "Get off me. Now."

And Kakuzu was so taken aback that he actually did what he was told.

Hidan wanted to laugh at him and mock him, but he knew that if he did that now, he would blow his cover and give Kakuzu the satisfaction of knowing he was just acting. He quickly got off the couch and took a deep breath, smoothing out his clothes. "Look, it's obvious we _both_ had too much to drink. I'm heading to my hotel now; call me this week so we can talk about when I can bring my stuff over. Good night."

Kakuzu just stared at him, still taken over by the shock of Hidan's behavior.

Hidan's expression was emotionless when he left the house, took out his cellphone and called for a taxi. It was only when he was sitting safely in the backseat of the aforementioned vehicle that he started chuckling.

He had done it. He had wiped that smug smirk right off Kakuzu's face. He had proved Kakuzu _wrong_.

By the time the taxi arrived at his hotel, Hidan was shrieking with laughter. He was so pleased with himself that he gave the extremely disturbed driver a large tip before making his way into his hotel and then his room, paying no attention at all to the people who stared at him strangely.

He threw himself onto his bed like some teenage girl, whipped out his phone and called up Tayuya. He needed to fucking _tell_ someone about this.

"_This is Tayuya's voicemail. Leave a message and I'll call back. If I don't, it's because you're a fucking twat who needs to leave me the hell alone. Beep." _

"Hey, bitch, it's your best amigo and I've got fucking _news_! Seriously, you've got to call me back, I was so fucking cool, you won't believe it!"

So he couldn't talk to Tayuya… damn. He was in such a great mood, he needed to let it out somehow. But how?

He quickly checked his wallet before letting the smirk return to his face. One last wild night out a strip club before he started playing the nanny was allowed, right?

--

Moving some of his stuff into one of Kakuzu's guest rooms was one of the weirdest things Hidan had ever done.

He felt completely uncomfortable when he unpacked the two boxes he had brought, placed his clothes in the small wardrobe and put his laptop on the desk. He felt even more uneasy taking his toiletries to the bathroom.

He stared at the small shelf above the sink for a long time; there were three toothbrushes – a green adult one, a green children one and a purple adult one. Hidan hesitated a moment before adding his blue toothbrush to the cup with the green adult one. It clinked around the cup for a moment before coming to a stop.

The brushes faced away from each other.

He shook his head, feeling oddly paranoid, and hung up his favorite towel, put a small bag with things like his razor and deodorant beside the bathtub and left the bathroom.

And as he looked at the frames on the walls in the hall, filled with a family he wasn't part of, he wondered for the first time if what he was doing was right.

He stopped in front of a photo that seemed to be already a few years old; it showed Kakuzu, appearing in his early thirties, with a tiny Asuka sitting on his shoulders, beaming at the camera. Kakuzu seemed, at first glance, annoyed, but when Hidan looked closer, he was able to catch the tiny smile curling up the brunette's lips.

He tried not think about the happiness in this picture; he looked away, lips in a thin line, and told himself that it didn't matter. He was going to destroy Kakuzu's happiness. It was kind of a shame that Hidan had needed to rely on Asuka to back him up to fulfill his plan, because he didn't want to get the children involved, but he would still take every opportunity to make Kakuzu miserable.

"Hidan-san?"

Hidan was snapped out of his trance by the soft voice and looked down, seeing Ryou stand a few feet away from him. The eight-year old was frowning. "C-could you… it's almost lunch time, c-could you…"

Ah, God damnit, that stuttering pissed Hidan off! He closed his eyes, trying to remain calm. "Look, kid, we'll be spending a lot of time together now, drop the suffix. I'm Hidan and you're Ryou, get it?"

The brunette nodded timidly.

"Good. Second off, I know I look scary, but I ain't gonna bite your head off. There's no need to be nervous around me or to stutter." He raised an eyebrow. "Now say what you want, and say it confidently."

Ryou nodded again, cheeks bright red. "It's almost lunch time and I'm h-hungry, can you make me a sandwich, p-please?"

The silver-haired man smirked. "Now that's better… not perfect, but we're working on it." He ruffled up the eight-year old's hair before placing his hand on his shoulder, gently guiding him towards the stairs. "What kind of sandwich do you want?"

--

let me know what you think and happy valentine's day :D


	7. Reaction

**My friend and I have created a messageboard dedicated to Kakuzu/Hidan - the link is in my profile and it'd be totally awesome if you checked it out and became a member! **There will be fic and fanart, a place to get constructive criticism and, of course, general talk about our favorite zombies!

To Leo – As I have said before, I will reveal it when the story has made more progress. I can't tell you how many chapters it will take because I simply do not know yet – I have plans, but I also like being spontaneous when I write, which throws these plans over many times. You'll have to wait and see. Even if I knew, I would not tell because it would ruin the story.

--

„_Eh? Who are you?" _

_Hidan kept staring at the man who had just come out of the front door of the apartment building. He knew that this guy had been in their particular apartment because he had seen him and his mother when he had gotten out of bed to go to the bathroom; they had been drinking wine together in the living room. _

_It's why Hidan had snuck outside. He knew what happened when his mother had male friends over, and he didn't want to hear it. It always sounded like they hurt her. _

_The man – tall, sort of lanky, with unkempt blond hair, a three o'clock shadow and a cigarette hanging from his thin lips – blinked in confusion before something dawned on him. "Oh, you must be Aya's son! Shouldn't you be in bed? I bet you have school tomorrow." _

_The eight-year old glared at the man. "Why would you care? You're not my dad." _

_The man was obviously taken aback by the straight forward remark and hateful glare; he looked a little nervous when he walked towards Hidan. "Where's your __dad?" _

"_Mommy said he's rotting in hell." He got up from the swing he had been sitting on. "Are you coming back?" _

_The blonde couldn't meet the boy's eyes. "…No." _

_Hidan smirked, and the man was astonished by how bitter an eight-year old boy could look. "At least you're honest. I'm sick of hearing 'I'll be your new Daddy'." _

"_Hidan!" Both looked at the front door, where Hidan's mother now stood, dressed in only a bathrobe and her hair in disarray. "Come back inside, you have school tomorrow." _

--

Hidan woke up at half past five in the morning, bathed in sweat. He quickly shook his head, grabbing his pack of cigarettes from the nightstand, and opened the blinds to step outside onto the small balcony attached to his room.

It was the eighth of August, the first day of the new school year for Asuka and Ryou, and the school hadn't risen yet, but Hidan could tell that it was already starting to. He let out a long yawn, pulled out a cigarette and his lighter and thus started his new daily routine.

After his morning cigarette (which he wasn't allowed to smoke inside the house), he went to take a shower, got dressed and woke up Ryou – Asuka woke up on her own with the help of an alarm clock.

By 6:15, he was in the kitchen, cutting up fruits for some fruit salad and making whole-wheat sandwiches with a combination of cheese and vegetables on them for the kids to take to school. A few minutes later, Ryou came downstairs, and Hidan gave him a bowl of cereal with soy milk – one of the things he had learnt on his first day as the new nanny was that Ryou was lactose intolerant.

Hidan sat with Ryou at the breakfast table, drinking coffee and thinking about what he needed to do after breakfast. Ryou had showered after Hidan and now it was Asuka's turn in the bathroom, so afterwards, all they needed to do was pack their school bags and Hidan would walk them to school – something he found entirely stupid, but Kakuzu insisted they walked so they'd get some air and exercise before school.

On the first morning Hidan had played the nanny, Asuka had come down immediately after getting up to eat before showering – but apparently, she had forgotten that Hidan was there and was incredibly embarrassed about him seeing her in her pyjama consisting of a t-shirt and shorts, her hair messed up and marks from the creases of her pillow over her face. Since then, she had started to shower and style before coming downstairs.

At precisely 7:15, they left to walk to school. It was only a matter of 5 minutes by bus, but by foot, it took them around 20 minutes. Asuka chatted merrily, arm hooked into Hidan's, but Ryou was walking sort of behind them and remained quiet, which kind of worried Hidan a little.

"Everything okay, kid?"

No response.

"Ryou?"

"Huh?" The eight-year old blushed, looking up. "I'm sorry, I was…"

"It's okay." Hidan studied the boy. He was walking ridiculously slowly, his face was pale and he didn't look the least bit enthusiastic about going back to school, unlike his sister. Poor kid; he had hated going to school, too – especially before he had gone to Akatsuki High.

They eventually reached the school gates and Asuka gave Hidan a hug before running over her friends. Ryou was more hesitant. Hidan kneeled down in front of him and ruffled up his hair. "What's wrong, kiddo? Don't want to go see your friends?"

"U-un… yes…" The brunette boy bit his lip before turning around and walking towards the school building.

Hidan stared after him for a few more moments, thoroughly confused by the boy's actions, before shaking his head and leaving.

--

While the kids were at school, Hidan was alone in the house. Kakuzu, as a surgeon, worked irregular hours, so there might come days when he wasn't, but for now, he could use the time to sit on his laptop and write.

Damn it, if only he didn't lack the inspiration to write the last page…

--

After hours of boredom due to lack of inspiration, he had to leave again to pick Asuka and Ryou up at school. When he arrived, Asuka was already waiting at the gates.

He raised an eyebrow. "Where's Ryou?"

She frowned at him. "I don't know, he hasn't come yet. Maybe he had to go to the bathroom."

"We'll wait a few minutes." Hidan leaned against the gate, pulling out a cigarette and lighting it. "How was school?"

"Mai-chan has this super cool new mp3 player, so we listened to music together and watched videos on it, but then that _stupid_ Ayuzawa-kun reported it to a teacher and it got taken away! God, he's such an idiot, he always teases us!"

Hidan smirked half-heartedly. The problems of 12-year old girls… "Maybe he likes you."

"N-no way!" She blushed, looking away. "He's such a nerd!"

"Your Dad used to be a nerd when he was younger, and now look at him." He paused. "Ryou's still not here… Does he have a cell phone?"

They were just about to start looking for him on the schoolgrounds when he finally arrived, panting heavily.

"Geez, about time!" Hidan crossed his arms over his chest, seriously annoyed. "What took you so long?"

"I…" He bit his lip, staring down at the ground. "I lost my watch…"

Asuka groaned. "Damn it, Ryou, Grandma gave you that for having a good report card and you already lost it?!"

Ryou looked about ready to burst out into tears, and Hidan thought it was kind of pathetic. He sighed heavily. "Stop picking on your brother and let's get going."

--

Since Asuka was once again out of pocket money and her father's birthday was only three and a half days away, she decided to make a nice photoalbum for him starting at his birth until now.

So after she finished her homework that day, she went up to the attic and started looking through boxes labeled "photos".

She had to admit that it was actually kind of fun; seeing her grandmother in eighties outfit was simply hilarious, and admittedly, her father was a handsome teenager. There were photos of the family, class photos from first grade on, some vacation photos…

And then she found a box labeled "Akatsuki".

Asuka knew that "Akatsuki" was the school Kakuzu had spent his last three years before university at. Technically, she had enough photos, but it sure wouldn't hurt to peek inside… there might be photos of Hidan, for all she knew.

Polaroids – lots of them. The first one had a pretty blue-haired girl with two boys, one of which had orange hair, and then there was one of a blond boy and a redhead. The same blond boy was then tackled by a black-haired boy wearing an orange mask, and then finally someone she recognize: Itachi-san. She hadn't known Itachi-san had gone to Kakuzu's school; he was his lawyer.

And then – bingo! Hidan!

Wow. She barely held back a squeal. Hidan had been such a _cute_ teenager! Less muscles, but still very athletic looking without being scrawny, his hair was in his typical slicked-back style. His eyes were a little wider, more cheerful looking, but he was frowning at the camera anyway.

The next one showed Hidan and her Dad together, eating ice cream. Well, eating _one_ ice cream. Together. Hidan was holding a cone, and Kakuzu was taking a bite from it, which made Hidan look extremely pissed off in the photo.

Pff, typical for her father. Such a freeloader. He'd rather steal his friends ice cream than buying his own.

Then there were some winter photos in which her Dad had a snow ball fight with his friends, wearing an ugly puke-green jacket.

In the last photo, Hidan was wearing the too-large puke-green jacket. Okay. Kind of confusing. Her father, being so kind as to lend someone his jacket? So not happening.

She flipped through more pictures, more from winter, one with her father and Hidan in Santa hats, and then winter turned to spring and brought with him –

A picture of her father and Hidan kissing.

--

"Asuka, we're home!" Hidan sighed, lazily carrying the shopping bags inside. "Asuka-chaaaan… You hungry?" He tilted his head to look down at Ryou, who just shrugged. "I think she wanted to go to the attic to look at photos…"

--

"_Hey, dickhead! Dickhead, look!" _

"_What?" As soon as Kakuzu turned his head, warm lips were pressed to his enthusiastically. His eyes widened in surprise, but it quickly turned into a pissed off expression, and just at the moment he wanted to push Hidan back, something went _flash.

_Hidan pulled back, grinning, and gave a thumbs up to Kakuzu. "__Hope ya don't mind that I borrowed your camera!" _

"_You can't just go around kissing me," the brunette hissed, "what if someone sees?"_

"_Then someone sees." The silver-haired boy rolled his eyes, shaking the Polaroid picture. "It's not a big deal, seriously. Oh, hey, look." _

"_That picture looks like I'm the one attacking you." _

_Hidan snickered, grabbing a marker from his back pocket and quickly writing on the white part underneath the photo. _

I know you love me, jackass.

_Kakuzu rolled his eyes, grabbing the pen and photo and scribbled underneath Hidan's messy handwriting: _One day, I swear I will kill you.

_--_

"Hey, you have a surgery in an hour, wake up."

Kakuzu rubbed his eyes, slowly sitting up. "I wasn't sleeping."

"Sure you weren't." Tsunade smirked at the brunette. "So who are you going to kill?"

"You if you don't shut up soon."

"Kakuzu. Pacemaker surgery. Want one?"

--

She had no words. She really didn't. There it was, the picture of them kissing with those weird phrases written underneath, and suddenly all the other pictures seemed to make so much more sense – the pictures where their knees were touching as they sat, how they were always next to each other, how they were always, always _always_, somehow touching…

Holy shit.

Holy _fucking_ shit.

Was her father gay? Was – holy shit. Holy _shit_. Had Hidan moved in because they were together again? Was Hidan here to replace her mother? …What _about_ her mother? If her father way gay, why had he married her?

"Asuka-chaaan…"

"Don't come near me!"

Hidan raised an eyebrow, slowly walking towards the girl. "Shit man, what's got you screaming? I was just gonna ask what you want for dinner, seriously… What do you have there?"

"Go away!"

"Ugh, Asuka, what the hell is wrong with you?" He frowned and took another step towards her before his gaze fell on the thing she was holding. His eyes widened when he realized what it was. "Oh. Shit."

"That's all you have to say?!" She waved the photo around. "What is this?!"

"Shit, girl, calm down! Stop freaking out, okay?!" Hidan glared at her. "Are you some kind of homophobe? Cause shit, I can explain this."

"I'm not a…" Her hands were shaking, and her eyes stung uncomfortably. "I'm not a homophobe, Dad always – wow, now this makes sense… but… he's my Dad! I – I had a mom and a dad, and not a dad and a dad! If Dad's gay, why did he marry Mom?!"

"Look, Asuka-chan – Asuka-chan. Sit down, okay? And stop yelling at me, seriously. Think you can do that, kid?"

She took a deep breath, wiped over her eyes and nodded. Hidan hesitantly neared her, and only when he was convinced that she wasn't going to freak out again did he sit down next to her.

Awkward silence.

After a few moments, he reached for the picture and studied it, his face appearing indifferent. "Heh… This was on my 18th birthday."

Asuka stared at him as if he had suddenly grown two heads. "I am going through a family crisis and you're remembering your 18th birthday?!"

"Fair enough." The silver-haired man paused. "That bad, eh?"

She glared at him. "I just learned that Dad might have never loved Mom and actually takes it up his –"

"Oh," Hidan smirked, "if you think he 'took it, you don't know your father that well."

"Great. Let me rephrase it." Her glare darkened. "My should-be role model took it from my Dad, which is obviously _so_ much less mentally scarring."

He grinned. "You certainly got your Dad's talent for dry remarks."

"Why are you being so calm about this?! I just found out your big secret! You're here to be our Dad now, aren't you?!"

Hidan stared at her for a good ten seconds before bursting out laughing. "Me? Become your Dad? That's rich!" He flicked her forehead. "Look, kid, Kakuzu and I broke up when we graduated. We're _friends_ now, and we don't intend to be more, okay? Just friends. As for your mom… I have no idea what that was like because I didn't see Kakuzu for 20 years, but as far as I know, your father's bi, not gay. Feeling better now?"

She sighed, looking at the photos again. "It's just weird, you know? I'm not against gays or anything… but wouldn't you feel weird if your dad turned out to be gay – bi – whatever?"

Hidan shrugged. "Dunno, I never met my Dad. But hey – your dad works so much, I doubt he'll ever have the time to date someone again, so you don't need to worry. Are you cool with it?"

She chewed her lip, and Hidan couldn't help but think about how different this Asuka was; the girl he had known her to be before was cute, giggly and girly – this temperamental, sassy girl with an attitude appealed to him a lot more though.

"I don't know," she finally said. "It's like, weird, but… I'm not mad, just – just shocked! And it's… it's _weird._"

"You should talk to him about it, y'know." And since when was he a parenting guru, anyway?

"Are you crazy?! I can't –"

"Whatever floats your boat, but I don't have the answers you want, so it's him you have to talk to, seriously."

Asuka chewed her lip again, and Hidan wondered if it was a nervous habit of hers. "How did… can you tell me how you…" She clicked her tongue, annoyed by her own confusion. "How did you get together?"

The silver-haired man sighed. "Ask your father that. I have no fucking idea how much he wants you to know. Now, Ryou's probably wondering where the hell we are, seriously, so come on, let's go."

"I'm staying up here, I'm collecting photos for a photoalbum for Dad's birthday." She pulled the photo box up again, starting to pick up more.

"Alright." He shrugged, getting up. "What do you want for dinner?"

"I don't really..." Her eyes widened at the next photo. Hidan. Under the shower. Naked. With his back to the camera, but she could see his, err, rather nice, behind. "…care?" She quickly clamped her hand over the photo, face turning bride red.

Her father was not only bi, her father was a _pervert_!

And she now had the perfect blackmail material.

--

I'd really appreciate some concrit for this, since I was very unsure about Asuka's reaction.


	8. Remembering

Writer's block has eaten my brain.

--

"_Kakuzu."_

_A pair of green eyes slowly blinked open; when their gaze met a pair of purple eyes way too close to them, they widened. "Hidan? What are you doing __here; it's the middle of the night… How did you even get into my room?"_

"_Your window was open." Hidan got off of his boyfriend, grabbed a rucksack from beside his bed and started stuffing clothes inside. _

"_My room is in the second story, Hidan, how the hell would you be able to get in through the window?"_

"_Cause I'm a ninja, now shut up and help me pack." _

_Kakuzu glared at him, rubbing his eyes. "What are you doing?" _

"_Are you hearing impaired? I'm packing your things." He moved back to Kakuzu's bed, staring at the brunette with intense purple eyes and a completely serious expression. "Run away with me." _

_Kakuzu stared blankly at him for at least ten seconds before he punched him in the face. "You woke me up in the middle of the night for that bullshit?"_

_Hidan laid his hand on his aching cheek, but his gaze didn't falter. "I'm serious, Kakuzu. I can't stand being at my mother's apartment anymore, I can't stand school anymore, I can't stand being in fucking Konoha anymore. I took my mom's car, my stuff is packed and in the trunk. I'm going home to Yugakure. Come with me." _

"_Great, I'm dating a lunatic." Kakuzu sighed. "Things like that don't work, Hidan. Your mother will report the car as stolen and you're going to get caught. Do you even have money for gas? Yugakure isn't just around the corner." _

"_I don't, but you do." _

_Kakuzu glared at him. "I won't give you my money, stupid." _

_The silver-haired boy grabbed the brunette's hand, his expression still completely serious. "Come with me. I know some people there, we could live with them until I've found a job, and you can transfer to a school and go to university like you planned – we'll probably be poor as fuck and I'll have to take two jobs, and you'll also have to take one, but won't it be worth it? To break out of this life that everyone has set for us?" _

--

Hidan had never been a talented cook. As someone who lived alone most of his adult life, he had grown quite fond of ordering take-out, eating at restaurants, his microwave and the good older smoker breakfast consisting of black coffee and a cigarette. He had also never cared to drop childhood habits like refusing to eat vegetables – to this day, he still left the usual salad and tomato restaurants tended to put as decoration on the plate.

When Kakuzu left a cookery book on the table with a note saying "Tuesdays are family dinner days", Hidan stared at it blankly for at least a minute before fetching the yellow pages and looking up a high-class restaurant that delivered as well.

He was about to pick up the phone to call a restaurant when he suddenly paused. Was this a challenge from Kakuzu? Did he think that Hidan wouldn't be able to handle cooking? He had been reluctant about letting Hidan take over some of the nanny duties, so maybe this was a test?

Slowly, hesitantly, Hidan reached out for the cookery book…

--

"Hidan! Ne, Hidan!" Asuka beamed, poking her head into the kitchen. "When you take Ryou to his piano class, can you –" She froze, her eye twitching. "What are you…"

Hidan, who was sitting at the kitchen table, slowly looked up from the mountain of cookery books surrounding him, his eyes narrowed behind a pair of thick-rimmed reading glasses. Was he – Damn. He _was_ wearing a babyblue apron. "Do you like pasta bake?"

She had never fled from the kitchen faster.

--

It wasn't until Asuka was at the mall and Ryou at his piano class that Hidan actually dared to start working in the kitchen. This was an evil he had to face alone, and he did not want any casualties in the form of burning children.

He braved himself, put a kettle with water on the stove and turned it on, holding his breath.

When after ten seconds nothing had exploded yet, he released his breath and balled his hand into a fist, face determined. The silver-haired man put the apron on again and started gathering his ingredients; canned vegetables, fresh minced meat, spices and herbs, all while paying attention to not picking dairy products because of Ryou. They could later put parmesan on their plates anyway.

Okay, so now he had the ingredients. The recipe he had chosen had said to start with the minced meat first, so he dumped it in a pan and put it on the stove. He turned it on full heat, since he wanted that stuff to get ready fast.

Since the water still wasn't boiling, he started the sauce. Let's see… canned tomatoes, canned peas, parsley, oregano, garlic – scratch that, make that more garlic, garlic was good – salt, pepper, chili –

He was about to put in more when he realized that maybe it would be wise to turn the meat, only to find out that the minced meat was kind of… stuck. To the pan. And smelled really shitty. Burned, sort of.

Well, damn.

"Oh come on!" He glared at the pan, scratching at the meat with a spatula. "Come off! Why are you sticking like that?!"

Suddenly, there was a warm body pressing against Hidan's back, one arm snaking around his side while the other reached over his shoulder to grab the spatula. His eyes widened, the hairs on his neck suddenly standing up. "I'm assuming you forgot to put oil in the pan or didn't wait for the oil to get hot before putting the meat in. You're not supposed to put it in the pan as a big hunk, by the way."

Hidan closed his eyes, his face going slightly red with anger and embarrassment. "What the hell are you doing here, Kakuzu?!"

The hand that had been by Hidan's side now made its way to his thigh, which was pressing against the stove's turning knobs. Hidan clicked his tongue in annoyance when Kakuzu's fingers fumbled around until he was able to turn the hot plate the pan had been on off. "Saving dinner." He dipped a finger into the sauce before licking it off. "Tastes awful."

Hidan huffed, crossing his arms over his chest. "Then why don't you try, bastard?! And get away from me, pervert."

Kakuzu rolled his eyes, but complied. He pulled out a hair tie from his pants pocket and tied his hair back and then proceeded to grab another apron, loosely putting it on over his shirt. "Just shut up."

As long as Hidan remembered, Kakuzu had never acted domestic. While his room had, even as a teen, always been clean, it was because he had never bothered to mess it up rather than cleaning it; he had never been forced to do chores at home either, quite unlike Hidan, whose primary hate for cleaning came from excessively doing so in his home as a child.

Watching Kakuzu calmly but skillfully work in the kitchen, cutting fresh vegetables, spicing the sauce and frying what was left of the minced meat, Hidan wondered who the hell that man was. Was he even the same man who ate raw vegetables because he was too lazy to cook but too stingy to eat out when his parents were too busy? Was he the same one who took the salad from Hidan's sandwich without Hidan having to offer it?

Ah, that's right… they had once understood each other without words, hadn't they? Words had been meant for fights; touches were meant for happiness. When they had talked, they had thrown insults at each other – but when Kakuzu had put his hand on top of Hidan's when they sat in class, when Hidan been lying on the couch with his head on Kakuzu's lap, those had been the moments where they never needed words.

Was that why they hadn't worked out? Because they hadn't talked? They'd been happy, Hidan was convinced of it. _He_ had been happy.

"Hey, asshole."

"…"

"Kakuzu."

"Shut up, I'm working here."

"Were you unhappy with me?"

Kakuzu glared, looking up from where he was pouring the ready pasta into the sauce. "You're a pest."

Hidan didn't let it get to him; he frowned at the brunette. "Just answer the question. Were you unhappy?"

"We always fought."

"Doesn't mean anything. Stop avoiding the fucking question!"

"Shut up and go pick up Ryou."

Hidan snorted, walking up to stand beside the brunette. "You _were_ happy."

"I said shut up, Hidan!" Kakuzu whirled around, grabbing Hidan's wrist harshly. His green eyes were narrowed to slits in anger, the skin around them crinkling.

But it wasn't like Kakuzu only knew Hidan – Hidan also knew Kakuzu very well. Since the brunette had always been rather silent, Hidan had quickly learnt to read him – from the quirk of an eyebrow to a slight curl of his lips. Kakuzu wasn't the type to blush, no, when he was embarrassed, he got angry. "Shit, you _were_ happy, man. You're getting all embarrassed."

"Go pick up the kids. Dinner will be ready in half an hour," Kakuzu hissed. "And don't be late."

-

At dinner, Kakuzu was still angry, and Hidan could not have been happier. Ryou was as quiet as always, and Asuka appeared to be confused about why her father stabbed his pasta whilst glaring at the smiling Hidan as if it was _him_ he wanted to stab.

"So, Daddy, I was wondering…" Asuka put on her cutest smile. "Fall Out Boy are coming here next month for a concert… Can I go?"

Kakuzu's eyes narrowed. "On which day of the week is it?"

"It's on a Wednesday but –"

"No."

"But –"

"No."

"Daddy! Please!"

"If you go to a concert on a Wednesday night, you won't be fit for school the next morning and I already told you that you will not be absent again."

"Oh come on!" Asuka glared at her father, crossing her arms over her chest. "I can just say I was ill! It happens; there isn't a person in the world that has never missed a day of school!"

"My attendance was flawless," Kakuzu informed her, taking a sip of water.

Hidan coughed. "Liar."

Kakuzu glared at him. "Would you like to say anything, Hidan?"

Hidan smiled sweetly. "You missed an entire week of school in our last year. Without a good excuse, too."

Asuka gasped. "You did that?! That's so unfair, Dad! Why can't I –"

"Asuka, Ryou. Go to your rooms."

--

Hidan had never seen Kakuzu as angry as when Asuka and Ryou had reluctantly gone up to their rooms and he didn't know whether to be scared or proud. He enjoyed being able to drive the brunette up the wall, especially because he knew that he was the only one who could get him quite this angry.

When Kakuzu was angry, he was dangerous. He did not yell like Hidan did, no, he was calm. That is, he was calm until he punched your face in.

"Get out."

Hidan glared, crossing his arms over his chest. "What the fuck? I go point out the truth when you lie and you're throwing me out? You're a fucking hypocrite, seriously."

Kakuzu's eyes narrowed to slits. "Get out before I kill you."

"Like you could pull it off." He rolled his eyes. "Look, Kakuzu. Do you think it's fair to lie to your children? You skipped a whole week with me back then; that's not like being ill for a day. You skipped."

"I regret having skipped for such a stupid reason. Now get out."

"It was _not_ a stupid reason, you fucking jerk!"

"You undermined my authority in front of my children. You don't know what being a father is like, Hidan, you would not understand how important being consequent is."

"Ugh, fine, I'll apologize if you want that so badly!" The silver-haired man rolled his eyes. "I'm sorry for having said that in front of your kids. Happy now?"

"I'm warning you." Kakuzu looked down at Hidan, his eyes oozing coldness. "Pull another stunt like that and I am throwing you out."

"Yeah, yeah." Hidan paused. "And it was not a stupid reason."

Kakuzu huffed softly. "Bending to your whim is a stupid reason."

"You didn't do it just as a reaction to my whims." Hidan glared. "And it wasn't a whim. Don't you remember what you said?"

"I remember it quite clearly, but it was a stupid reaction of my younger self. Now leave me alone."

--

Asuka waited for two hours before she dared to knock on her father's bedroom door. "Daddy? Can I come in?"

No reply. She peeked inside, and sure enough, her father was lying on his bed, headphones on his ears. He looked up and closed his eyes, taking them off. "You're still not going to that concert."

"About that…" Asuka smiled sweetly, skipping up to her father's bed. "What if I have a solid reason to have you let me go?" She pulled out a polaroid picture from her pocket, showing her father the image. "Like this?"

It was the first time she saw her father speechless and she felt incredibly triumphant when it took him a few seconds to find something to say. "Where did you get this?"

"I was looking for photos in the attic. And before you ask, yes, I know about you and Hidan."

Kakuzu huffed out a bitter chuckle, brushing his hair out of his face with his fingers. "First Hidan and now you… is today 'Challenge Kakuzu' day?"

She might have felt a little bad then, which is why she sat next to her father, putting her hand on his. "Are you angry with us?"

He pinched the bridge of his nose, feeling a headache coming. "I'm mad at Hidan, not at you. Ever since he showed up, you've gotten rebellious."

"But that doesn't have anything to do with him!" She frowned. "Don't be mad at Hidan because of me, he's just –"

"He is a teenager in the body of a grown man." The man rolled his eyes. "He hasn't changed the slightest in the last twenty years."

"That's not true," Asuka said softly. "I've never seen him smile like he did in those old photos. He's not happy now."

"He was never happy; that's just the kind of person he is." He glanced at his daughter. "Are you alright?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"I used to date someone of the same gender. Some people do not like that."

She shrugged, blushing a little. "It's a bit weird, but I'll get used to it. Just don't suddenly bring home a new Dad, okay?" Her face lit up suddenly. "Hey, does this mean you know about fashion?!"

He snorted. "Being with a man does not make me girly." He snatched the Polaroid picture from her hand. "And this is confiscated."

--

_The silver-haired boy grabbed the brunette's hand, his expression still completely serious. "Come with me. I know some people there, we could live with them until I've found a job, and you can transfer to a school and go to university like you planned – we'll probably be poor as fuck and I'll have to take two jobs, and you'll also have to take one, but won't it be worth it? To break out of this life that everyone has set for us?" _

_Their gazes met, purple staring into green intently, until Kakuzu sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "You're troublesome." _

"_I know." _

"_And selfish." _

"_Yeah." _

"_I guess I can't leave you alone…" Kakuzu glared. "Don't think that I'm bending to your whim. I'm going with you to talk some sense into you." _

_Hidan grinned happily and threw his arms around his boyfriend's neck, hugging him. "I love you!" _

_For once, Kakuzu did not push the silver-haired boy away, no; he hugged him back and kissed his forehead, mumbling a soft "I love you too". _


	9. Reminder

AN: Please note that "Hoku" and "San" are not actually Kakuzu's and Hidan's last names. **They do not have last names.** Hoku and San are last names I made up for AU fics, derived from the kanji of their Akatsuki rings. I felt the need to point this out because it has come to my attention that others use it too and I wanted to avoid misunderstandings.

To Leo – I'm definitely going to address the happiness thing, I just haven't decided which point of the story would be good for it. As for pushing Hidan off the edge… well, there will be something similar. Not quite what you meant, I think, but similar.

**I also just started my first contest ever! Check out my dA for more information :3**

--

"_Do you have to work on Saturday?" _

_Hidan raised an eyebrow, looking up from his magazine. "Saturday? That's the 15__th__, right?"_

"_15 August 1987 if you want to be precise. Now answer the question." _

_The silver-haired teen snorted. "Ass. No, I don't have to work. Why?" He grabbed a can of soda from the bedside table, opening it and taking a gulp of the cool drink. _

_Kakuzu watched the muscles on Hidan's throat work as he swallowed before closing his eyes to concentrate, sitting down on his boyfriend's bed beside him. "My mother wants you to attend our family dinner." _

_Hidan snorted. "Why would I? The l__ast time I came to your house your grandma was there and she's batshit crazy. She thought I was a fucking demon." He sipped on his soda again._

"_Because I told Mom that__ we're dating." _

_Hidan spat out his drink in shock, choked on it and started coughing violently. Kakuzu, seeing this, decided to react by slapping his boyfriend on the back so hard that it hurt. "What?! You can't just fucking out me without my consent!" _

"_She took it fine. She says you're a member of the family now, so you should attend my birthday dinner on Saturday." _

_Hidan cleared his throat a few times to get rid of the hoarse feeling he had gotten from choking. "I'm not fucking doing this, Kakuzu! Your family's gonna hate me!" _

"_My mom already adores you." __The brunette smirked, brushing his knuckles along his boyfriend's cheekbone. "My parents will take my grandparents to their house back in Taki afterwards. That's a two-hour car ride." _

_A shiver ran down Hidan's spine and he slapped Kakuzu's hand away. "What are you trying to say, bastard?!"_

_Kakuzu sighed; sometimes he really wondered why he was dating an idiot. __"That's at least four hours. Without anyone but us in my house. _Alone_." _

"_Oh. _Oh_." Hidan scratched his cheek, looking anywhere but at the brunette. He could tell Kakuzu was smirking. Damn that bastard. "Sure. Of course. It's going to be our first time though." _

"_Mhm." Kakuzu smirked, taking Hidan's soda can and magazine and placed them on the bedside table before crawling on top of his boyfriend. He lightly grasped the other teen's chin between his thumb and index finger, tilting it up and kissing him. "Let's practice already."_

_--_

The first time Hidan thought maybe he wasn't the right person to take care of Kakuzu's kids was when he arrived at their school a little too early and saw Ryou half-hidden behind bushes, crying his eyes out.

The thing was – he wasn't good at comforting people. He thought people who cried were pussies and that was all. He could hardly mock Kakuzu's son for crying though, could he? So he awkwardly approached the boy, stopping next to him. He couldn't look at the kid. "Men don't cry."

Ryou sobbed quietly, wiping at his eyes furiously. "But I-I'm not a man, I'm a b-boy."

"Same difference." Hidan sighed. Comforting was harder than it looked. "What's wrong?"

Ryou's crying was starting to get quieter, but his voice was still shaking and his shoulders trembling. "I m-made a picture for Daddy's b-birthday and the big kids th-threw it in the toilet and –"

Hidan felt his fist twitch. Unpleasant memories. "Did they do anything else?"

The boy sniffled. "Sometimes they s-steal my things or hide th-them. They push me, too."

"Do you fight back?"

Ryou looked at him, his cheeks wet from crying and his eyes red and wide. "They're in Asuka's grade, I can't f-fight someone so old!"

"Are you a man or a mouse?!" Hidan glared down at the kid. "Look, kid, if you don't show some guts, they'll always push you around, seriously. One punch is all it takes to get them to fuck off."

"Hinata-san always said -"

"Your 'Hinata-san' not here, kid." The silver-haired man crossed his arms over his chest, looking down at the boy. "Do you want them to keep bullying you?"

"No, but –"

"Then you've gotta do something!"

He sniffled. "But what can I do? I'm only eight!"

Hidan smirked. "Let me talk to your father tonight, okay? We'll figure something out, I promise. Now get the fuck out of those bushes before your sister gets out of class."

Ryou obliged and clumsily stepped out onto the sidewalk. "But now I don't have a birthday present for Daddy…"

"I told ya we'll figure something out, midget."

--

"Dear God," Hidan muttered in the most monotone voice he could muster, "why must you punish me so? I'd do crafts with him. I'd fucking take him to the mall to buy a present. Why the _fuck_ does he want me to make a cake?!"

But damn, he hadn't been able to tell that little runt that no, he would not make a cake for Kakuzu while the kid was at his piano class. Damn it all to hell.

"Alright, fuck!" Hidan glared at the stove. "You're going to cooperate or I'll replace ya, ya hear that?"

The stove remained silent. Hidan twitched, his fists clenching. "Are you fucking mocking me?! You just go on looking at me, I'll kick your fucking ass, see how you like that!"

"Em, Hidan, I don't think the stove is going to talk back."

Hidan whirled around, seeing a slightly disturbed Asuka in the doorway. He tsk'ed, crossing his arms over his chest. "You never know. As soon as you turn around, they mock ya. That's how it is."

"…Right." She cleared her throat. He was joking, right? Making a show to be funny? "Do you need help making a cake? Hinata-san taught me how to make one."

And so, while Asuka worked the stove, Hidan sat on the kitchen table, watching her. "That Hinata-chan must have been one hell of a nanny, hein?"

Asuka frowned. "I like you better. You're more fun." She finished weighing the ingredients and started mixing them.

Hidan snorted. "You can bet your ass on that. Speaking of fun, did you manage to persuade your Dad into letting you go to that Tokyo Hotel concert?"

"They're Fall Out boy!" She looked appalled. "How can you compare someone amazing like Fall Out Boy to a bunch of wussies like Tokyo Hotel?!"

The silver-haired man could barely hold back a snicker. "Oh, Fall Out Boy… right. They sing this one song – the one about closing a door, right?"

"That's Panic at the Disco! I can't believe you get them confused! Ryan Ross is sooo artistic!" She sighed dreamily. "I wish I could go to one of their concerts."

"Back to the point. Did you convince him?"

"Oh, yeah!" She grinned. "He said that I can go because you'll go with me."

Silence.

"Kakuzu Hoku," the silver-haired man growled darkly, "I am going to kill you. Slowly and painfully. And I'll fucking enjoy it."

"It's nice to know that you get off on the thought of killing me, but I'd prefer if you didn't tell my daughter about your sick fantasies."

Hidan fell from the table in surprise. "Fuck! Kakuzu, you shithead, don't sneak up on me like that!" He rubbed his sore back and glared up at the other man. "And you can only wish I got off on anything even slightly related to you, seriously!"

Asuka cleared her throat. "Can we _not_ talk about that?" She paused before suddenly whirling around. "Dad, get out of the kitchen!"

Hidan raised his eyebrows, giving Kakuzu a provocative look. "Yeah, _Dad_, get out of the kitchen! What are you even doing here? Thought you were at work for two more hours."

"I finished my surgeries, office work and rounds. I'm on call though." He turned to leave the kitchen, and Hidan immediately went after him.

"Hey dickweed, I need to talk to you. It's about your kid."

Kakuzu glared at him out of the corner of his eyes. "My kids have names."

The author rolled his eyes. "Fine then, I need to talk to you about Ryou. Did you know he gets bullied at school?"

The brunette paused turned towards Hidan. "What? Since when?"

"I dunno, but he was talking about that Hinata-chan, so I'm guessing for a while." He shrugged. "They push him around, steal his things…"

Kakuzu sighed and rubbed his forehead. "I'm going to have to talk to his teacher."

Hidan snorted, rolling his eyes. "Hey, you and I both know that talking to a teacher won't change a thing. I was thinking – maybe you should let him take self defence classes."

"I'm not paying for that."

"But it would help his confidence! Fuck, do you want to pay a therapist for him when he hits puberty?!"

"That's not going to –" Kakuzu reacted immediately when a beeping sound filled the room and quickly pulled his beeper out from his pocket, silently cursing. "We're going to talk about this later, there's an emergency."

--

"So, y'see…" Hidan yawned, his eyes heavy. "Even if that miser won't let you take classes, I'll fucking teach you. Trust me, you're gonna feel a lot better, seriously." He glanced at the two children on the couch with him – Asuka had fallen asleep leaning against Hidan's shoulder and Ryou was lying down with his head in her lap, also sleeping. He snorted softly, allowing his eyes to close. "Damn it, I didn't even tell him happy birthday when he was here…"

--

When Kakuzu returned from the hospital, it was well past midnight and he was tired enough to fall asleep right then and there. But alas, the light in the living room was on, so even before taking a shower, that's where he went.

He had to admit that the sight was a little heart-warming, even to a bitter old man like him; there was a cake on the coffee table – it was a simple one without any topping and the sides looked slightly burnt, so he figured that it was the one Asuka had made -, along with four party hats and a clumsily wrapped gift. On the couch were Hidan, Asuka and Ryou, all sleeping peacefully.

Kakuzu couldn't help it; he had to smile, though it came out more like a smirk. It was kind of nice to see how well the children seemed to get along with Hidan – then again, Hidan was childish himself, so maybe that was why they thought he was cool. Either way, Kakuzu hadn't expected it. Especially the usually timid Ryou, opening up and telling Hidan that he was bullied at school? He hadn't even told Kakuzu.

His smirk vanished, making room for a blank face. He hated to say it, but Hidan got better along with Kakuzu's children than Kakuzu himself.

Damn it; he was too tired for depressing thoughts right now. He needed to get the kids to their bed and he could quite use some sleep himself. He shook his head before carefully scooping up Ryou.

Thankfully, Ryou slept like a rock and continued doing so as Kakuzu brought him to his bed. Asuka, on the other hand, woke up when he tried to pick her up. She kissed his cheek, told him happy birthday and then tiredly stumbled up to her room.

Great. Now to get Hidan off the couch…

Now, Kakuzu had never been the most affectionate or considerate man around. That was why he simply pushed Hidan over. "Get up. Go to your own bed."

Hidan landed head-first in the couch cushions, which in turn messed up his hair. He blinked in confusion before realising what was going on and glaring at Kakuzu over his shoulder. "You're such a fucking inconsiderate prick, seriously."

Kakuzu stared at him for a good moment; Hidan's messed up hair and tired, droopy eyes reminded him of something, but he just couldn't remember what it was. "Nice underwear."

"You perverted bastard, what are you looking at?!" Hidan actually blushed, pulling up his pants where they had slipped down enough to reveal part of his black silk boxers, and for some reason, Kakuzu suddenly knew what he was reminded of.

He smirked. "Nevermind. You're tired, just go already."

Hidan glared, but it was apparent that he was confused by his eyes. "Yeah, what-fucking-ever. Oh, by the way, your birthday's over, so I'm not gonna say happy birthday and you're not getting a gift, bastard."

"Already got one in the form of a lovely show."

"You filthy asshole!"

Kakuzu didn't even try to hide the smug smirk. He wouldn't have been able to anyway. "Your screaming's loud; just go to bed." And so, he simply turned around and went to his room, leaving the seething man behind.

--

"_But it was good, right?" __Hidan stared at Kakuzu, eyes only half open. He was lying on his stomach (because damnit, his back and butt hurt), arms folded in front of him and head resting on it. _

"_I should be asking you that." Kakuzu sat down on the bed, having just gotten rid of the condom. He liked looking at Hidan like this; his hair was messy and damp with sweat, as was his skin, and while he'd already had bedroom eyes before, they were even droopier now that he was tired. His cheeks were still bright red. "It was good for me." _

"_For me too. Kinda painful, but it'll get better with practice, seriously." _

_Kakuzu snorted, __lying down next to his boyfriend. "That sounds stupid." _

"_Oh yeah?" The silver-haired boy glared at him. "Well next time I'll fuck _you_ up the ass, see how you'll like it!" _

"_You'll try and fail." The brunette stayed lying on his back, closing his eyes. "That was tiring. We should try it out with you on top so you can do more work." _

"_Lazy bastard." __Hidan's eyes finally closed. "I hate you." _

"_That's not what y__ou said fifteen minutes ago."_

"_If I wanted the come back, I would have wiped it off your face." _

_Kakuzu snorted, kicking his boyfriend's leg. "Fall asleep before you start dreaming." _

_--_

:| I'm sorry if anything seems rushed, but I wanted to chapter of Kakuzu's birthday on my own birthday.


	10. Revenge II

_This time he'd done it, he was sure. He often did things that pissed Hidan off, but hell – Hidan forgot about it as quickly as he got pissed. At first he hadn't even remembered what had happened because fights were so normal for him, but the next morning taught him otherwise. Kakuzu walked to the front gates to meet his friends as always and when he wanted to kiss Hidan as a greeting, Hidan ducked and left without a word._

_Kakuzu stared after his boyfriend for a few seconds before directing his gaze at his friends, who all appeared as confused as him. _

"_What did you do to piss him off this time, Kakuzu?" _

"_I have no idea. I will just let him cool off, he'll be fine in lunch break. He'll want part of my lunch, so he'll come around." _

_But come lunchtime, Hidan sat down next to Deidara, pointedly ignoring Kakuzu, and complained about not having the math homework. Even when Kakuzu wordlessly slipped his math homework over the table to let Hidan copy it, Hidan simply ignored it. _

_And for the first time, Kakuzu was actually afraid that he might be losing Hidan. He wasn't usually worried about that since Hidan was rather simple to handle (at least for him. He was a handful for everyone else.), so he was always prepared. _

_But now he didn't know what was wrong – he had forgotten what had gotten his boyfriend so pissed, so he couldn't apologize (not that he'd ever do that anyway) and he didn't know what he could do to make the other forgive him. _

_And so, after school was finally finished for the day, he asked his friends if anyone knew anything. By the way the all looked away, he assumed that they all had somehow heard of what had happened – he could have killed them right then and there. But thankfully, Tobi the idiot couldn't keep his mouth shut. _

"_It's your own fault, Kakuzu-san! Tobi wouldn't like it either if he always told someone he loved him and never gets told it in return." _

_Deidara snorted. "Then how come you still stick to me, Tobi?"_

_And then it all came back to him; their one-year anniversary, Hidan telling him "I love you" for what felt like the millionth time and Kakuzu… Kakuzu called him an idiot, like he always did when he was embarrassed. Their first time having sex, when Hidan – gorgeous, sweaty Hidan with his eyes glazed over and his hair messed up – panted out "I love you" and Kakuzu… moaned and came, but didn't say anything back. And when he'd something funny, Hidan's laughing face and a "That's why I fucking love you, seriously!" and Kakuzu had raised an eyebrow and told him to watch it because he wasn't any better. _

_But Kakuzu was sure that he'd said those stupid three words before – just not as often as Hidan. And only when they were alone. And only very quietly. Okay, so maybe he'd only mumbled them a few times… and Hidan might have been asleep during half of these confessions. _

_Damn it. _

_--_

Time seemed to pass faster than ever; August went and September came, bringing with it Asuka's 13th birthday and a ticket to see Fall Out Boy. The days got shorter and cooler; Hidan noticed this especially when he went jogging with Ryou and Asuka (who had been quick to decide to join them) every evening.

The first week had been such a bitch; years of smoking and without any physical workout except sex really did take their toll on Hidan. But if he had any positive quality at all, then it was his discipline when it came to doing things he had to, even if he didn't like them.

On the 16th October he met Shoji Sakamoto.

--

Hidan leaned back on the couch, studying the man on the opposite side; he appeared a few years younger than Hidan, maybe in his late twenties, with light blond hair and brown almond-shaped eyes. He was currently searching for his voice recorder frantically. When he finally found it, he apologized a million times before turning it on and taking out his notebook. "I'm terribly sorry about the delay."

"S'alright." Hidan smirked. "We're in no hurry."

Shoji smiled nervously. "Let's begin then. You look quite healthy. Have you just taken a vacation?"

Hidan snorted softly, but he smiled. "Not really. I'm actually helping an old friend out, watching his kids when he's at work."

"That's quite nice of you."

The author shrugged. "I also get advantages from it. I mean, the kids are pretty insistent about me quitting smoking, and fuck, they're actually succeeding. I guess it helps that they are pretty strict with me." He smirked. "They're stricter with me than I am with them. Isn't that just fucking ironic?"

Shoji chuckled. "So you have become the domestic type? Compared to your former reputation as a party animal, I mean."

The silver-haired man scrunched up his nose. "Not really. I'm fucking shit at cooking, I hate cleaning and I'd made a terrible father – I don't really do that much."

"Does it remind of you of your own childhood?"

"Fuck no!" He snorted again, but this time, he wasn't smiling. "My Dad died when I was so young that I can't remember him at all, and my mother had to work. I had to do a lot of housework – 's why I hate to do it now."

God, he could still remember it; he could remember the neighbours starting to whisper when he took out the trash about how his mother should be staying home instead of working, and he could remember watching the children outside play while he cleaned the apartment.

He could also remember the face of the nice old lady who lived in the apartment above theirs – he remembered that she always gave him some sweets or a little money when he brought her the mail or carried her shopping bags.

No. His childhood had been nothing like Asuka's or Ryou's.

"I'm sorry to hear that…"

"Don't be." Hidan waved him off nonchalantly. "Some people make their life out to be some fucking sob story, but it really wasn't that hard, seriously. Wanted to punch a couple of people in the face though."

"I see." Shoji frowned. "So… that wasn't what inspired your dark way of writing?"

"Heh. No." Hidan crossed his arms behind his head, trying to look casual. "After I got out of high school, I did a lot of internships at newspapers, magazines and what-you-fucking-know. But I had trouble sleeping because of nightmares, so I spent most of my nights partying or writing. I guess the dark way of writing came from the nightmares and the depression I developed from them."

Shoji's frown deepened. "It's sad to hear that… It seems that genius always comes with these negative aspects – Poe was an alcoholic, Kafka was depressed and van Gogh committed suicide." He blushed slightly. "I always admired you for your talent, but hearing this, I must say that I would rather continue working as a poor journalist while my significant other is doing the residency as a surgeon compared to getting depressed and gaining talent from it."

Hidan blinked and looked at him. "Your girlfriend is a surgeon-to-be?"

"Actually…" Shoji's blush deepened. "Actually, it's… it's my boyfriend, not…"

Hidan couldn't help it; he had to stare at Shoji for a while, not caring that the other looked very uncomfortable under his gaze.

If Kakuzu had never broken up with him, would they have turned out like Shoji and his boyfriend? Would he never have gotten depressed? And even if he could have never hit it big, would he be happy?

Instead of not being able to sleep, he would have been lying safely in Kakuzu's arms. Instead of getting it on with random chicks whose names he hadn't bothered to remember for even an hour, he would have been in love with Kakuzu. Instead of starting to smoke, he would have kissed Kakuzu, and instead of drinking alcohol, he would have bickered with Kakuzu.

"It's – I'm not saying that your life is bad! I just mean – since I wasn't accepted into university and my boyfriend will spend a long time paying for his studies, we're always tight on money, but… but we're very happy."

Not only would he never have gotten depressed, but Kakuzu would never have gotten married. He wouldn't have had Asuka and Ryou. It'd just be them – him and Kakuzu. They'd be poor as fuck, but… but would they have been happy?

The corner of Hidan's mouth twitched into a smirk. "The time's almost up, but how about you and your boyfriend come over for dinner this weekend? We could finish the interview and chat some more."

Shoji's face turned beet red. "A-a-are you serious?! I would – we would _love_ to! The deadline isn't until Monday anyway, s-so – which day would be convenient for you?!"

--

"- It was kind of hard to convince him, but in the end he agreed to it." Hidan smirked, leaning back in his swivel chair. "So on Saturday, Shoji and his man will come here and I'll get them to tell their story and Kakuzu will be like –" He spoke in a mockingly deep voice – "_Oh, maybe Hidan and I could have been that way_!"

He could hear Tayuya sigh over the phone. "You're a fucking nutcase, you know that? Now you're dragging even more people into your shit."

The silver-haired man rolled his eyes. "It's their own fault for letting me use them, seriously."

"Conceited bastard."

"You should come visit me here some time, seriously."

"Nah, from how you described the kids, I'd just end up tormenting them."

"I'd prefer if you tormented the bastard."

"I already torment you enough."

"I meant Kakuzu, you little bitch!"

She snorted. "Of course."

When he heard a knock on his door, Hidan immediately told Tayuya goodbye and hung up. "What do ya want?"

The door opened, and Asuka peeked into his room. Her hair was a little messed up and her tan cheeks tinted red; she was frowning. "Can I…?"

He raised his eyebrows, but motioned for her to come in. "I thought you weren't feeling well and went to bed."

"I did, but…" She entered and he noticed that she was already in her pyjamas. She was nervously fiddling with her sleeves – something he had never seen her do before. "…I had to use the bathroom, and then I… I…"

"You got diarrhea?"

"No!" Her face turned beet red. "No, not that! I was… I had blood in my…"

"Oh. _Oh_." Well, shit. He should have expected it – girls that age hit puberty, right? Damn. What was he supposed to do? "It's because err… didn't you have sex ed in school?"

"I did, but this is my first time and I didn't expect it, and I don't have…" He noticed with mild interest that she avoided looking into his eyes. "I need pads or tampons… Can you drive me to the store?"

--

Sitting in the car with Asuka on the passenger's seat as they went to get her some pads and tampons was weird and awkward.

Hidan was not the type who made a good father; he was childish and impatient. Asuka had Kakuzu, who was reliable and strict – a good parent, right? So why didn't she talk to Kakuzu about it? Kakuzu was a surgeon; surely, he'd know more about periods than Hidan. Fuck, all he knew was that if he brought Tayuya chocolate when she was on her period, she wouldn't bite his head off.

Then again, he could understand Asuka's dilemma – her parents were divorced, she lived with her father and had no older female around her. Hidan's father had died when he was very young and when he had had a wet dream for the first time and his voice started to crack, he hadn't had anyone he could have turned to.

But why him and not Kakuzu?

They drove downtown and while Asuka went to a drugstore, Hidan went to buy her chocolate and ice cream. She was, needless to say, delighted. They then got back into the car to go pick up Ryou from a friend's house.

Most of the drive was spent in silence, Hidan concentrated on the road and Asuka looking out the window until she decided to break the silence.

"Hidan," Asuka started in a quiet voice, "promise not to tell Dad?"

He raised an eyebrow, but his eyes remained concentrated on the road. "Dude, you've gotta tell him. I mean, I don't get why you came to me and not him in the first place – he knows way more about this than I do, seriously."

She frowned, crossing her arms over her chest as if she was cold. "But it'd be weird to tell him."

"And it's not weird to tell _me_? I'm a guy, too."

"But it's different because it's you." She looked at him, eyebrows still drawn together. "You're always really cool but not cold. Dad would probably just make me an appointment with a gyno and send you to get stuff with me."

"You don't talk to your father a lot, do you?"

She looked away again, sulking. "I can't really, he's never home. Plus, he just doesn't understand me. But you understand me, Hidan. I like you."

"Heh, thanks, I try."

He thought that the conversation would be over now, but then Asuka curled her fingers into her shirt, took a deep breath and closed her eyes. "I know that I freaked out when I heard that you and Dad used to date because I thought you were going to replace Mom and… and I don't want a new Mom, you know? And even though we fight a lot, I love my Dad, so I wish – I wish that if my Dad ever dates again, I hope it's you because then I can have you as my Dad, too."

Hidan barely missed a tree.

--

"Hey dickhead, whatcha doin' on Saturday?"

Kakuzu looked up from his laptop, raising an eyebrow. "Sleep all morning since I'll be on call at night and then I have off until Sunday afternoon. Why?"

Hidan forced a grin, leaning against the doorframe of Kakuzu's room. "I invited someone over… ya see, we were doing an interview and our schedules were seriously too tight, so I suggested finishing it over dinner here on Saturday." He couldn't suppress a smirk when he saw Kakuzu's eyes narrowing.

"If you want to seduce the interviewer, do it somewhere else. I don't want my children to be traumatized by walking in on you screwing with a guy."

Hidan snorted. "Hey, hey, after your daughter had me drive her to the store to get her very first tampons, I believe I've got the right to traumatize them a little!"

Kakuzu's eyes narrowed even more as he shut down his laptop. "Asuka did _what_?"

Hidan raised his eyebrows, trying to look all innocent. "What, you didn't know that?"

Neither of them voiced it, but the statement was clear: _What, your daughter trusts me more than you? _

"Anyway, it's not a date. The guy – his name's Shoji by the way – is going to bring his boyfriend, so yeah. Shy guy, so I doubt they'll be making out in front of the kids."

Way too go, Hidan! Act all nonchalant, like it doesn't even seem like a big deal and it'll make him feel even worse. You go, Hidan! His inner self cackled loudly, but his face was perfectly blank. He could have totally gotten off at his own mirror image right there.

"Fine, whatever. Just don't expect me to cook."

"I'll order something." Hidan rolled his eyes. "But since you fucking own this house, it'd be seriously embarrassing if you don't even show up, so at least join us for dinner, alright?"

--

"_I can't believe you got upset over me not saying it often enough." _

_Hidan glared at Kakuzu and tried to slam the door to his apartment shut, but of course, Kakuzu was smart enough to quickly slip his foot between the door and frame, stopping the silver-haired boy. _

"_Go home!" _

"_No. Open the door." _

_Instead, Hidan put his entire weight (which wasn't really much, Kakuzu knew) into trying to break Kakuzu's foot with the door. "If you're not going to apologize, go the fuck away!" _

_Damnit. Kakuzu never apologized to anyone, especially not Hidan. They usually had their "piss the other off, say nothing, he won't remember in an hour" policy and that had always worked just fine. "Let me in and we'll talk."_

"_Shoving your tongue down my throat is not talking, bastard!"_

_Okay, so simply kissing Hidan wouldn't do either. This was getting tricky. "Then what do you want me to do? I'm not going to stand under your window and sing cheesy lovesongs." _

"_As amusing as seeing you try to sing would be, that's not what I fucking want! I'm not romantic and you know that, asshole!" _

"_Then what do you want?"_

"_I want you to take me seriously, damnit!" The pressure against the door was slowly fading. "You can't even tell me you love me unless you think I won't hear it and you won't apologize when you know it's your mistake… what the fuck, Kakuzu? What the fuck am I even to you? We're eighteen, you asshole, and when I say that I fucking love you, I mean it! So take me seriously!" _

_Kakuzu's expression revealed nothing, as always, but on the inside, his heart pounded in his chest. He didn't want to just give in and let Hidan have what he wanted – a sincere apology, he assumed – but he could understand where Hidan was coming from. Maybe once – maybe just once… he'd need to swallow his pride and step over his shadow. "I'm sorry…"_

"_Sorry for what?" _

_It was hard to resist the urge to roll his eyes or sigh in an annoyed way. Kakuzu simply did not like to talk about how he felt; feelings were so fleeting and overwhelming – you couldn't be prepared when talking about feelings, and that's why it made him feel insecure to do it. "I'm sorry that I gave you the impression that I don't take you seriously. …Look, can we not talk about this while I'm standing in the stairwell?"_

"_What? Embarrassed?"_

"…_Yes. Your nosy neighbour here." _

_The door opened, but Hidan still didn't look very happy. Without a word, he let Kakuzu in and then closed the door. They silently went to Hidan's tiny room, closed the door, and then Hidan crossed his arms over his chest, looking at Kakuzu expectantly. "So, was there anything else you want to say?" _

"_Look, Hidan, this is… hard for me." He looked away, and he was pretty sure that he was blushing. "You know I hate to talk about how I feel." _

"_Well then get the fuck over it, because a serious relationship won't work without it! You want a serious relationship, right?" _

_He had prepared for this situation. Somewhat. He had written down the thoughts in his head, now he just needed to remember what he had written… "I take you seriously and I want a serious relationship. If I didn't, I wouldn't have stayed with you for so long. But you have to take me seriously, too." _

"_I fucking do, you twat! How often do I tell you that I fucking love you?"_

"_But now you're forcing me out of my comfort zone. Taking me seriously is about accepting that I'm not someone who talks about his feelings a lot, too." _

_Hidan frowned, looking away. It looked kind of cute, actually – as if he was sulking. "I fucking accept that, seriously – I think you're cute when you get all embarrassed and pretend to be angry… But sometimes I just need to hear it as if you're not ashamed of it. Sometimes I just need reassurance." _

_And then, Kakuzu knew that everything would be alright. He finally took a step towards Hidan, wrapped his arms around him and closed his eyes. "I'm going to work on it." He could prepare it – the moments when it would be alright to say "I love you". Perhaps after they have sex, or maybe before? He was sure he could find a good moment. _

"_Kakuzu?" _

"_Hm?"_

"_If you are mentally planning when to say I love you, I'm going to fucking kill you." _


	11. I ran out of words starting with re

Guys… Why are you so focused on the reason Kakuzu broke up with Hidan? I can already tell you that it's not a noble or dramatic reason. It's simple and selfish. You'll probably be disappointed.

Guess who's back, back again?

--

He already hated Konoha. It wasn't like he had liked Yu – a city full of tourism, crowded with obnoxious foreigners who knew nothing about the local culture – but Konoha was worse just for being fucking Konoha. He didn't need a reason to hate it; he simply did.

_Well. And maybe because the first thing that happened was someone trying to mug him at school. _

"_Come on, give it. I'm hungry and I don't feel like waiting in line forever." _

_Hidan glared at the taller boy in front of him. Tan skin, messy brown hair, green eyes… nothing special, he concluded. Not like him – he considered himself exceptional for his purple eyes and silver hair. "You're not seriously trying to steal my lunch money, right? Cause that's so fucking 1985." _

"_You're going to wish it was 1985 when I'm done with you, so give me that money, albino boy." _

_And that was it. That was _so_ it. "I'm not a fucking albino, you jerkass!" _

_Whenever, in later times, someone asked Kakuzu and Hidan how they met, they made up a story on the spot. Neither of them liked to admit that they met by Kakuzu trying to steal Hidan's lunch money when they were fifteen. _

_--_

Asuka was rereading her favourite scene in _The second book of Jashin_, where the Jashinist met the miser for the first time, when she heard a knock on her door. Thinking it might be Hidan, she quickly smoothed her hair with her hand and adjusted her t-shirt before chirping a "come in!".

It was, however, not Hidan. It was her father.

Her posture immediately relaxed and her smile faded into a look of confusion. "What's up?"

Kakuzu's lids were a little lowered and there were slightly dark circle under his eyes – she immediately knew that he was overworked and tired, as always. Not good. A tired Dad usually meant a pissy Dad. "Nothing. I just wanted to talk to you." He sat down on the bed next to hear and picked up her book, raising an eyebrow. "You're reading it again?"

"It's good," she defended herself, pouting a little.

Kakuzu cracked a small smile and Asuka almost thought she was hallucinating. He smiled so rarely nowadays. "I didn't mean it like that. I always used to reread books, too."

"You… you did? I've never seen you read anything but medical books…"

"It's because I don't have time to." He set the book back down and looked up at the ceiling, smile fading. "When I was a teenager, I loved to read. Classical literature, mostly."

She was still confused. What did he want? He never came to her room just to talk; usually it was to inform her he'd be working late, to bitch about a chore she hadn't done, or to tell her to watch Ryou.

After a few moments of awkward silence, he reached into his pants pocket, pulling out an envelope. "I have something for you."

"But my birthday was in September…"

He cleared his throat, seeming a little embarrassed. "I know, this is… Look, you're 13 now, a young woman. There may be things you don't feel comfortable talking to me about – woman things. I arranged for Tsunade to go shopping with you today. This is some money for you. Don't blow it all on itunes cards."

Asuka's eyes widened as she accepted the envelope. Had Hidan told him about the menstruation incident? And was her father trying to be _considerate_? "Um… thanks…?"

"She'll be here in about half an hour. Tonight we will have guests for dinner, so don't eat out. It's all unhealthy anyway."

"Who's coming?" She tilted her head. "Someone I know?"

"Tsunade, a friend of Hidan's and a journalist who wants to interview Hidan. Don't embarrass me, okay?"

She rolled her eyes. "So this is bribery? Fine, I'll be good."

Kakuzu's eyebrows sank into a mix between a frown and a glare. "They don't have anything to do with each other. I just thought that since your mother is not here anymore, you might want another woman to talk to who can answer your questions."

And there came that dreaded awkward silence again. Asuka didn't really know what to say; her father never talked much to her because he was so busy working. What should she talk about with him? They didn't have the same taste in music, like the same movies, read the same books…

"We might move soon."

Her head snapped up at that and she blinked. "What? Why? Where to? I don't want to move!"

He closed his eyes for a moment, and at that moment she could not read his emotions; his face was perfectly blank. "I'm going to apply in private clinics. If I work in a private clinic, I'm going to have less working hours and a more regular schedule. I'll be able to spend more time at home."

What was Asuka supposed to say to that? Of course she wanted her father to be home more, and she wanted him to be more relaxed and less stressed, but she didn't want to move. She had grown up in this house, and she didn't want to lose her friends!

"I also think that it's a good chance for Ryou to start over without always being the bully target. Before you throw a tantrum, think about it closely, Asuka. Maybe you'd like a new beginning, too."

The doorbell rang.

--

"Bastard!"

"Bitch!"

Hidan hugged his best friend tightly, glad to finally be seeing her again. He was such a genius for inviting Tayuya to that dinner with Shoji. "Damn bitch, you look fucking good."

"So do you. You've finally gained some weight…" She smirked, pinching his ass.

They separated again, and Hidan looked his friend up and down. "Your skin looks good. Tayuya, you dirty whore…"

Her smirk grew. "Yeah, I got myself a girlfriend. Her name's Kin and you're going to meet her the next time you come to Konoha, understand? And no, we will not have a threesome!"

"You don't even know what you're missing." Hidan smirked. "Seriously."

"She can be glad about that, too."

The two friends looked up, Tayuya curious and Hidan irritated, to see Kakuzu, who was smirking slightly.

She raised her eyebrows. "You must be the bastard Hidan always talks about."

"Does he?"

"Yeah, but he uses ruder names." She smirked. "Thanks for the invitation. Here." She held out a bottle of champagne. "A little thank you gift."

"I am pleasantly surprised that you have some manners." Kakuzu accepted the bottle, regarding the label on it for a moment. "And good taste."

"I get it, I get it – I suck." Hidan rolled his eyes. "Can we get inside now?"

--

Tsunade and Asuka were back only shortly before Shoji and his boyfriend were due to arrive. Once everyone was there, they started with the dinner. Being a cleanly person, Kakuzu got up as soon as everyone had finished eating, gathering the plates. Tayuya helped – something Hidan found entirely strange.

But you see, Tayuya had plans of her own. The only reason she had passed up the chance of spending the night with her girlfriend was because she wanted to finally meet Kakuzu and talk to him. It was even worth having to carry dirty plates.

"So," she began, placing plates in the sink, "I take it Hidan has been behaving well?"

Kakuzu snorted amusedly, sending her a look through narrowed eyes. "I figured you'd want to talk about him."

"Good, then we can cut this short." She washed her hands. "I know you're just friends now, but if you hurt him again, I'm afraid I'll have to castrate you. With a spoon."

"Does he really need you to watch out for him? That's kind of pathetic."

She glared. "The Hidan you knew and the Hidan I know are different, you ignorant jackass."

"There's no-one who knows Hidan better than me."

"Really." Her glare darkened even more and she stepped up to him – he was probably a full head taller than her, if not more, and was also a hell of a lot more intimidating than she had imagined, but fuck that. This was her best friend they were talking about! "Then you must be either a masochist or too confident for your own good."

"Maybe I'm both." His gaze was intense – it was the bright green, she was sure. A colour that you couldn't look away from.

"Mark my words, Kakuzu Hoku. Whatever you are scheming, if you end up hurting Hidan, I'm going to fucking kill you – and don't you dare think I'm kidding."

--

Meanwhile, Shoji was interviewing Hidan and Asuka was watching, loving every minute of it. Hidan, though, was getting irritated. What was taking Kakuzu and Tayuya so long in the kitchen? The whole point of the dinner was so Kakuzu could notice the similarities between them and Shoji and his boyfriend (Kenta, he had learnt)!

They came back a little later, and Tayuya did not look happy. Kakuzu's face was as impassive as always. What the fuck? Ah, whatever. Hidan didn't have time to care about that.

"Asuka…" Ryou tugged on his sister's sleeve. "Are they playing an asking game?"

"Duh, it's an interview." She rolled her eyes.

Shoji smiled slightly nervously at Ryou. "Here, I'll interview you, too. What's your name?"

Ryou frowned in confusion, looking at his father, who nodded. "My name's Ryou…"

"And how old are you?"

"I'm eight… and a half."

"That's a big deal right there." Shoji appeared to be relaxing. "So when you grow up, do you want to be a doctor like your daddy?"

"No…" Ryou's round, young face scrunched up in thought. "Daddy always looks unhappy, so I don't want to be a doctor. I wanna be happy."

Tsunade smirked, placing her hand on Ryou's shoulder. "I promise not all doctors are as boring and broody as your father, Ryou. Me, I'm a fairly happy woman."

"I still don't want to be a doctor." Ryou blushed, his voice becoming quieter. "I wanna be a teacher."

"The teacher's going to bed soon." Kakuzu laid his hand on top of Ryou's head – it was as affectionate as he'd get, the boy knew. "Come on, go change and brush your teeth."

--

Once Ryou was in bed and Asuka was told to do the same, the adults were able to relax a lot more and conversation went smoother. Tsunade got drunk rather fast, so they put her in a taxi and sent her home. Tayuya, in turn, didn't drink anything because she still wanted to drive home that night.

It wasn't until Kakuzu and Hidan were alone with Shoji and Kenta that Hidan finally got his way.

"- And I couldn't do it, you know?" Shoji looked at his slightly taller boyfriend, eyes soft. "I couldn't imagine life without him, so when my family moved, I moved in with my grandmother so I could stay here."

An affectionate look was exchanged, a kiss, and Hidan thought he was going to puke.

"Anyway," Kenta smiled, embarrassed. "How did you two get together?"

Finally. Hidan faked a grin. "Oh, we're not. We're just friends; I watch the kids for him."

"Oh! Oh, I'm sorry…" Kenta grinned, scratching his chin in embarrassment. "It would have been too funny, wouldn't it? If you two – a surgeon and a writer – were a couple, just like Shoji and me – an aspiring writer and a med student. It would have been like looking into the future, kind of."

"Kenta!" Shoji elbowed his boyfriend. "You never know when to stop talking! I'm really sorry about his behaviour…"

On the inside, Hidan was laughing loudly and shrilly. This was perfect! This went exactly like it should! On the outside, however, he remained calm and shot a quick glance at Kakuzu.

Apparently, Kakuzu had been doing the same, because their gazes met for a second, and then Kakuzu immediately looked away.

While his face was perfectly impassive, on the inside, Hidan was smirking and singing "We are the champions". People had always called him stupid, but if this didn't prove how much of a genius he was, then nothing would.

He was in a great mood for the rest of the visit, and when they went to walk them to their car, Hidan was completely satisfied with himself. He waved after them when they drove off before stretching, grinning. "That was a nice night, wasn't it?"

"It could have been worse."

The silver-haired man rolled his eyes, starting to walk back to the house. Kakuzu was already ahead of him. "You're so fucking grumpy. You should seriously try smiling every once in a while. Even your eight-year old son notices you're always unhappy… how fucking depressing."

Kakuzu shot him a glare over his shoulder. "Maybe I'd be happier if you weren't here."

"Bitch, please." Hidan snorted, shrugging. "All you do is plan ahead. I bet you even planned your kids ahead. Hey, did you already prepare for Asuka's prom? Got all plans ready to chase off any boys who might ask her out? Oh, and Ryou, have you already picked his fucking university for him?"

They had just made it inside when Hidan had uttered these words, and Kakuzu whirled around, his fist stopping only an inch before Hidan's nose. "Learn to shut your mouth, Hidan. Preparation is an important part of life, and I do not dictate my children's life."

"Fuck, Kakuzu, I'm trying to help you here! You're fucking unhappy cause it's always the same old shit for you! You need to break the fuck out of it, seriously, when was the last time you did something spontaneous?!"

Hidan didn't know what had made him say that; originally he really just wanted to tease Kakuzu, but when he said that, he meant it, which in itself was _wrong_ because he didn't _care_ for Kakuzu's happiness.

He also didn't know what moved Kakuzu to do it, but Kakuzu really did something spontaneous. He kissed Hidan.

His body reacted almost naturally to Kakuzu's kiss, his mouth opening to deepen it and his hands moving to Kakuzu's arms. There was a voice in his mind, screaming at him to stop kissing Kakuzu and push him away, laugh at him and reject him, trample all over his heart –

Kakuzu's hands wandered under Hidan's shirt, caressing the skin as their tongues struggled over dominance –

- But then there was another voice, and Hidan figured that it must have been his voice of reason, because it told him to pretend to enjoy it and play Kakuzu's lover for a while because that would just make the heartbreak worse.

So he let Kakuzu have his dominance. He let Kakuzu push him against the wall, kiss and bite on his neck, eliciting a moan from the silver-haired man. "Kakuzu… stop, we need to –"

"What?" Kakuzu nipped on the other's neck again, enjoying to watch tiny bruises building where he had been biting, sucking, licking and kissing. "Not into pain anymore?"

"That's not… aaahh… that's not it!" Hidan bit his lip, closing his eyes. "It's just… Asuka's in the fucking doorway."

Kakuzu's hand stopped its venture towards Hidan's crotch. "I see. For how long?"

"A minute."

"Is she freaked out?"

"Looks kinda paralyzed."

Kakuzu turned around slowly, very slowly. The poor girl was indeed standing in the doorway, frozen to the spot with her mouth gaping open and her eyes wide. "This… is not what it looks like."

--

Tayuya's back, tell a friend~

This is the kind of crap I write under stress. Also, my internship starts on Monday, so don't expect updates anytime soon.


	12. Results

Just a quick note – I feel the need to point out that if you notice any spelling/grammar/other mistakes, please point them out to me so I can remove them D: My spellcheck is being fucking weird, too.

--

"Hey, Kakuzu."

_Kakuzu opened his eyes, narrowing when he realized that Hidan was leaning over him, face too close for comfort. "What do you want?" _

"_Tobi and Deidara are still playing that fucking Atari, so I can't sleep." _

The truth was that Kakuzu had the same problem; they were all having a sleepover at Itachi's place, Itachi was peacefully slumbering in his bed, Kisame and Sasori were in their sleeping bags in a corner, but Tobi and Deidara were playing the Atari without any consideration that their friends might be tired. Kakuzu himself had been trying to sleep until Hidan started talking to him. "I don't see how that's my problem."

"_You can't sleep either, can you? Let's do something."_

"_Like what?"_

"_Let's make out." _

_Kakuzu's eyes for a moment before he narrowed them again. "Tobi and Deidara are awake. Plus, just because I told you I like guys doesn't mean I like _you_."_

"_So?" He had to admit, Hidan looked good. He wasn't 16 yet, and the whole "manly features" hadn't settled in yet – with his slightly droopy eyes, pale hair and skin and full lips, Hidan actually looked a little… __No. No, no, no. __Not following that track of thought. _

"_So no." _

"_You're afraid of kissing me because you've never kissed anyone before, aren't you?" Hidan tilted his head, looking way too alluring as he did so. "Don't worry, I'll teach you."_

_It was Kakuzu's first kiss, but he knew that it wasn't the case for Hidan. He had seen Hidan kissing girls before, but having never been interested in dating himself, Kakuzu hadn't bothered. _

_Kissing Hidan felt weird, but Kakuzu thought that maybe he didn't dislike it. Kissing was simply new to him, and Hidan's lips were firm against his own, tasting like the soda they'd been drinking. Every time their mouths separated, they made a small noise which made Kakuzu's stomach feel funny and after he got used to it, he decided he liked it. _

_When their mouths ran dry, Hidan pulled away from him, and Kakuzu felt himself blushing when he noticed that Hidan's lips were a little swollen. Hidan didn't seem to know or care; he only looked over his shoulder before getting up, grinning. "Deidara and Tobi are turning off the fucking Atari. Night, Kakuzu." _

--

The ticking of the clock in Kakuzu's bedroom was the only noise, disturbing the otherwise tense silence in the room. Kakuzu was sitting on his bed, still fully dressed, with his elbows on his knees, supporting his head as he hid his face in his palms.

Hidan was leaning against the wall right next to the door, watching him carefully. His face was without any expression, but on the inside, he was anticipating what Kakuzu had to say.

It had been easy to send the shocked-into-silence Asuka to bed without an explanation, but what would Kakuzu do now? Surely, Asuka would be asking about what she had seen the next day. Hidan himself was entirely unsure how she would react. "Kakuzu…"

"It's bad enough that she knows we used to date," Kakuzu mumbled into his hands, "but now this…" He looked up, glaring at Hidan. "This is your fault."

"How is this my fault?" Hidan rolled his eyes. "You're the one who came on to me, seriously."

Kakuzu clicked his tongue, clearly annoyed, and sat up straight. "It's because of your stupid spontanity. You just had to go and be all annoying and lure me out of my comfort zone."

Hidan only snorted in response. "Oh please, comfort zone? You're a fucking adult, Kakuzu, take responsibility for your actions!"

He looked away, eyes still narrowed. "That's what I intend to do." His eyes wandered back to Hidan. "If I tell Asuka that we were making out even though we're not together, she'll think that it's okay."

"So we can't tell her that."

"Exactly. We have to tell her that we're together."

Hidan's inner self was smirking, but on the outside, he pretended to be freaking out. "Why the fuck would I do that for you?!"

Getting up from the bed, Kakuzu walked towards Hidan, face emotionless and, Hidan, had to admit, looking a little intimidating. "What's the matter, Hidan? I thought you did this kind of thing all the time."

He glared back up at him. "I have one night stands. There's a difference."

"Don't tell me this is against your beliefs. You're good at pretending, aren't you? And a hypocrite at that."

"It's different when it's you."

"It's not at all." Kakuzu leaned in, his lips only inches away from Hidan's as his voice got steadily lower. "Think of it as free sex if you want."

It was getting more difficult to keep up his unwilling act by the second, but thankfully, he didn't have to anymore; any arguments he could have come up with would have been muffled anyway when Kakuzu kissed him, and so he pretended to surrender, letting Kakuzu have his way.

And when he laid on the bed a little while later, sweaty and flushed as Kakuzu bit and sucked on his neck while preparing him for the best part, ecstatic laughter filled Hidan's mind.

Kakuzu, oh that Kakuzu, thought he had won – he thought he was the person in charge, the one who pulled the strings. What a clueless idiot. If only he knew that he was playing out Hidan's plan perfectly – Hidan would have loved to see his reaction.

When Kakuzu thrust into him, panting and _almost there_, Hidan smirked.

_I'm going to crush you. _

--

The breakfast table was eerily quiet the next morning; Hidan was chewing his bacon happily, Ryou was eating fruit and Asuka poked at her cereal sluggishly, all under the surveillance of one tense Kakuzu Hoku.

"I'm not hungry after all," Asuka muttered, picking up her bowl and getting up, but Kakuzu stared her until she sat back down.

"I have something to say," Kakuzu announced when she sat again, and Asuka visibly tensed. Ryou looked up from his plate curiously, and Hidan didn't quite know what to do. He knew what was coming, but how would Kakuzu say it? How was he supposed to react?

"I know that it hasn't been so long since your mother and I separated," Kakuzu started carefully, "but I have found someone else who I like very, very much."

Ryou blinked. "We're going to have a new mom?"

"Not really, no." Kakuzu took Hidan's hand, holding them barely above the table so the kids could see. "Hidan and I are together."

Ryou frowned, looking from Kakuzu to Hidan. His father's face was deadly serious, but Hidan was smiling nervously. "But Dad, Hidan is a boy."

"Idiot, of course he's a boy!" Asuka rolled her eyes at her brother, crossing her arms over her chest. There was a smile on her face – it was small, but there. "That just means we have two Dads now instead of one Dad and one Mom."

"Oh. Okay." Ryou calmly ate another piece of banana before looking up again. "So do we have to call Hidan Dad now too? What if I call Dad and you don't know which one I mean?"

"I'm still just Hidan. I don't think dating your father makes me your stepfather or anything." Hidan shuddered at the thought. He was convinced that he'd make a terrible father and there were enough mentally scarred children out there.

Kakuzu watched his children intently. "So you two are alright?"

Ryou shrugged, finishing his fruit. "I'm okay."

Asuka made a face. "As long as you don't go around making out like last night, I'll be fine. That was mentally scarring, by the way, and I demand compensation in the form of an itunes giftcard."

--

It was really hard for Hidan not to burst out laughing when Kakuzu told him to give candy to the kids who rang the doorbell on Halloween. Then he realised that Kakuzu was serious and started yelling about wanting to go to a Halloween party.

He didn't succeed in getting the night off, but at least he got out of going trick-or-treating with Ryou (dressed up as a vampire) by making Asuka (in a zombie bride costume) go – it was the condition under which she was allowed to go to a Halloween party herself.

When the first kids rang the doorbell, Hidan was a little irritated. Why was that one girl in a fairy costume and the boy a clown? And the mom behind them – okay, so she was hot, but why did her costume look so whorish?

"Trick or treat!"

Hidan snorted. "Come back when your costumes are scary." And so, he slammed the door in his face.

When Asuka and Ryou returned later, he drove Asuka to that party, ate dinner with Ryou and got ready for his first Halloween in years that he would be spending indoors. He didn't even bother to remove his own costume (he had figured he needed to set a good example for the kids who came ringing the doorbell and dressed up as the reaper. Shirtless.) as he slouched on the couch, a bowl of popcorn on his stomach and Ryou sitting between his legs.

The boy frowned. "I'm always in bed by eight, is it really okay that I'm still awake?"

Hidan rolled his eyes, throwing a piece of popcorn in the air and catching it with his mouth. "Damn, you really are a good kid, aren't you? I thought kids your age want to stay up longer than they're allowed to."

Ryou frowned. "But I don't want to get chided."

He furrowed his eyebrows. "So? It's just getting chided. It's a part of life. Your father bitches at me all the time." He glanced at the boy, noting that he had his arms wrapped around his knees now, looking at the TV dully.

They watched the made-for-kids Halloween movie for a while before Ryou fell asleep. Hidan let him be for a while before carrying him upstairs so he could finally watch a _real_ horror movie.

But when he came downstairs, Kakuzu was already home, looking mighty pissed. "Why are there eggs and toilet paper on my house?"

Hidan smirked. "That's a good question. I'm afraid that it's _such_ a good question that I don't want to ruin it with my answer."

"You are going to clean that up."

"Tomorrow." Hidan rolled his eyes, sat back down on the couch and grabbed the bowl of popcorn. "Come on, watch a movie with me."

Kakuzu glared at him. "I just had a 14-hour shift at the hospital and I'm tired. And it's my first night not being on call for a week. I'm going to sleep."

"Come on! We're together, aren't we? What will Ryou and Asuka think if we never do anything together?"

Kakuzu grudgingly did as he was told, sitting on the couch next to Hidan. Hidan immediately leaned into him, smirking. Kakuzu's eye twitched in annoyance, but he didn't push Hidan off.

"Ryou's weird," Hidan said after realizing that the movie they were watching was boring. "He's too good, y'know? Never does anything wrong, always does what he's told to. The kid seems to love rules and he's fucking terrified of doing something wrong."

"It's my ex wife's fault," Kakuzu mumbled, eyes only half open. "It was one of the reasons I divorced her."

Hidan watched him for a moment before getting up. "Come on, lay down. You're too fucking tense, seriously. I'll give you a backrub."

Kakuzu reluctantly took his shirt off before laying down on the couch, arms folded with his head resting on them. "I never told you about her, did I?"

Hidan sat on the back of Kakuzu's legs carefully and cracked his fingers before starting to knead the tense muscles of Kakuzu's shoulders and back. "About time you did."

Kakuzu almost moaned at Hidan's touch. "Her name is Tsubaki. Really beautiful – and rich. Her father was a businessman and her mother a doctor, but their intelligence did not pass on apparently. Thinking about it, I can't tell you what I even liked about that woman." Maybe it'd been her breasts – they had been really nice. She had been fun though, someone who preferred to enjoy life.

"And yet you married her."

Kakuzu snorted. "It was a shotgun wedding. She was pregnant. It was okay at first, but then she got restless. She loved to go to parties, fashion shows – she was not mature enough to be a mother. Since I was so busy with my studies, my mother spent a lot of time watching Asuka while Tsubaki went to her parties and I went to university and worked."

Hidan remained silent; he was sure that he would have acted the same way as Tsubaki, he thought. After Kakuzu had left him, parties had been the biggest part of his life.

"I was going to divorce her when Asuka was four." And this time, Kakuzu couldn't hold back a moan when Hidan managed to ease out a particular tense spot on his neck. "But then she was suddenly pregnant again. It was her way of trying to get me to stay, I guess. She tried to prove she was more mature by being a better mother for Ryou than for Asuka, but she failed. She had no patience, always yelled at Ryou. That's why he's so afraid of doing something wrong."

"I can't imagine," Hidan mumbled. Hidan and his mother got along great; it had always been the two of them with his father dead, and even though she had worked a lot and was barely home, they loved each other dearly. He simply couldn't imagine what being afraid of one's own mother was like. He got off Kakuzu, feeling his fingers cramp a little.

"It doesn't matter now." Kakuzu sat back up, sighing. "He's getting better little by little. Your presence helps, I think. You're naturally confident; it inspires him."

"Tcheh." Hidan looked at the screen, where a girl was being brutally murdered. "Good to know I'm useful for something."

"Hey."

"What?" Hidan turned his head to look at Kakuzu, and the moment he did so, Kakuzu kissed him. He closed his eyes, enjoying the contact.

Kakuzu pulled back after a few moments. "I must really be tired. I have talked too much."

Hidan got off the couch and turned off the TV, stretching. "Then let's go to bed. I have to pick up Asuka at 11 tomorrow morning anyway." He felt Kakuzu's eyes on him and turned around, raising an eyebrow. "What?"

Kakuzu smirked slightly, though it looked almost more like a smile, and shook his head. "Nothing. Come on, we'll finish that backrub in my bedroom."

Hidan huffed, scowling at him. "What the fuck? My fingers hurt, you asshole! Giving backrubs is not easy! What the – hey, put me down! Fuck you, Kakuzu, put me down!"

Kakuzu continued towards the stairs, Hidan thrown over his shoulder. "Be quiet, Ryou's going to wake up."

Hidan sulked, pinching Kakuzu's ass because it was the only thing he could reach. Kakuzu did not seem phased, but Hidan yelped when he was almost dropped on the stairs. "Fuck you, be more careful if you really have to carry me!" He was actually relieved when he was unceremoniously dropped on the bed.

When they kissed, he was smiling. He didn't even notice or think about it; neither did he realise that the intention of breaking Kakuzu's heart was completely gone from his mind at that very moment.

Kissing Kakuzu felt so rightfully familiar.

"The lube is in my nightstand, top drawer," Kakuzu mumbled between kisses and Hidan bit down on his lip one last time before leaning over to open it. But as much as he fumbled, he couldn't feel it, so he made an annoyed noise and got off Kakuzu to properly look into the drawer.

He was greeted by the lovely sight of his own ass on a polaroid picture.

--

_They were kissing again; they had been 'experimenting', as Hidan called it, for two months already, and Kakuzu actually thought that it was nice. They'd been getting along better, too – all because of the kissing, he mused. When they started fighting, they'd just start kissing at some point and it'd be alright. _

"_Kakuzu," Hidan mumbled between kisses. _

"_Shut up." God, he wished Hidan would just shut up already. Kissing and talking at the same time did not work well together. _

"_I like you." _

"_That's nice." Kakuzu paused. Wait, what? He pulled back from the other, staring at him. "As in –" _

"_Yeah." Hidan rolled his eyes before leaning in, trying to kiss Kakuzu again. "Look, it's not a big deal, let's just –" _

"_No. It is a big deal." Kakuzu backed away a little from Hidan to prevent him from just kissing him again. _

"_Only cause you're making one of it. God damnit, stop backing away! We've kissed before, so what's the big fucking deal now?!" _

_Kakuzu glared at the other, straightening his clothes. "The difference is that you like me."_

_Hidan blinked. "And that stops us from sucking face because…?" _

"_You're not even sixteen yet!"_

_He rolled his eyes. "So? You're only 8 months older than me. So, about the tonsil hockey… up for it?" _

_--_

"_Happy 16__th__ birthday."_

"_Thanks." _

"_I like you too." _

"_Does that mean you're going to give me an extra big present?" _

"_Dream on."_

"_Damn."_


	13. Reconsidering

„_Kakuzu."_

_Tired green eyes opened slowly, and then blinked as the teen they belonged to groaned quietly. „I was almost asleep, Hidan." _

_Hidan's face was right in front of him; they usually slept like this – next to each other, facing each other – rather than cuddling up. It was dark in the room, the only light coming from the moon shining through the open window. Kakuzu liked the way it accentuated some parts of Hidan's body with light and shadows – not that he would say it out loud. "I can't sleep."_

"_That's not my problem." _

_Hidan's purple eyes narrowed and he pressed his feet against Kakuzu's leg, making the other teen grimace. "Feel my fucking cold feet of doom, asshole! You're such a fucking bastard, seriously. You don't even care that -" _

_Kakuzu shut him up with a kiss, but it was different from normal; it wasn't their usual fight for dominance, but in a way... gentler. And Hidan wasn't used to that at all. It was strange, but not bad, he mused, closing his eyes and giving in to the sensation. _

"_You need to be quiet more often," Kakuzu mumbled after a few more kisses, "it makes looking at you more enjoyable." _

_Hidan froze. "Did you just... compliment me?"_

"_No." Kakuzu blushed, looking away. "It was meant to be an insult." _

_A smirk slowly spread out on Hidan's face. "No fucking way. You were complimenting my looks. You totally think I'm fucking beautiful, don't you? Haha, you lovesick idiot... So that's what that kiss and the staring was all about? Man, you're really fucking lame, seriously!" _

_Underneath all his embarrassment, Kakuzu realized that behind that annoyingly smug act, Hidan was blushing as well._

–

"You don't… seriously want to discuss Christmas arrangements. Seriously? _Seriously_? It's the middle of fucking November!"

"It's going to be complicated, so we will have to prepare." Kakuzu opened his agenda, flipping to a page marked with "Christmas break". "It's their first Christmas without their mother. Tsubaki's parents want the kids over Christmas."

"So let them." Hidan rolled his eyes. "I'm going to go home for Christmas, too."

"No, you're not." Kakuzu's eyes narrowed. "We're together, remember? It would look bad if you weren't with us on Christmas."

"What the fuck, Kakuzu? I haven't spent a single Christmas without my mother!"

"Then why don't you bring her here?"

"Because she hates your fucking guts."

"Heh." Kakuzu smirked bitterly. "I figured. I broke up with her baby, after all."

"Yup." Hidan crossed his arms behind his head, staring up at the ceiling. "If she knew I'm dating you again – even if it's for show – she'd be chasing you with a rolling pin and send me to an asylum."

Kakuzu scribbled for a while before pausing, reading his notes over, and nodding. "How about this. We spend Christmas Eve together here, then on the 25th and 26th, you go home to your mother or Tayuya or wherever you want, and I will take Asuka and Ryou to see their parents and grandparents."

"Why don't we throw a Christmas party or something on Christmas Eve?"

"Because I don't like parties."

"Fucking spoilsport." Hidan rolled his eyes. "Can I invite Tayuya and her girlfriend at least?"

"Fine with me."

--

"Ah, it's so nice out here." Hidan grinned, letting his gaze wander over the snowy garden. "I fucking love snow, seriously."

"It's cold," Asuka complained, hugging herself for warmth. Ryou was shivering as well and Kakuzu's face nearly invisible in between hi wool hat and scarf. "I don't see what's so great about snow. It's wet and cold."

"It's fucking beautiful!" Hidan smirked, stepping off the terrace and onto the snow-covered grass. He pulled off his gloves, tucked them into the pocket of his own coat and scooped up some snow, forming it into a ball. "Snow ball fight, battle royal!"

Three faces stared back at him blankly.

"...You guys are spoilsports, seriously." And so, he threw his snowball at Kakuzu, hitting him in the chest. The other man lowered his head slowly, looking at the now wet spot on his coat for a few seconds. In an almost lethargic way, he slipped off his own gloves, threw them behind himself, scooped up snow -

- and dropped it over Asuka's head, making her shriek loudly. "Dad, are you insane?! A-aah, so cold! This is gross! Do you know how long it took me to do my hair?!"

"It looks like a bird's nest anyway," Kakuzu mumbled.

And then, the snow balls came flying. There was a lot of shouting, shrieking and laughing, and Ryou watched it all in amazement, standing by the terrace door. This... kinda looked like fun. But he'd get wet. And out of breath. He could even catch a cold by sweating out in the cold. His hands would also be cold.

And then he got a snowball in his face.

He squeezed his eyes shut, immediately covering his face with his hands. It was - ew, it was cold and wet and it _hurt_. He felt his father's large hand on his back and his warm presence next to him. "Let me see that."

Ryou sniffled once. The laughing and shouting had stopped. Was it because of him...? But the others had gotten snowballs in their faces too and the laughter hadn't stopped. So why for him? He didn't want it to stop. He liked to hear it.

He drew in his breath, sniffling once more, and quickly wiped his eyes. "I'm okay. No worries, Daddy."

Hidan was suddenly in front of him, holding out a snowball, a smirk plastered on his face. "He threw that snowball. Don't you want revenge?"

Ryou looked at the snowball - it looked so fluffy and innocent - and then at his father's face. He didn't look angry; he wasn't even glaring at Hidan like he always did. He looked mildly curious, actually.

Slowly, Ryou reached out for the snowball, stared at it for a moment and, after trying to read his father's face again, squashed it against Kakuzu's cheek.

For a split second, he could have sworn Kakuzu was smiling. "I should get revenge on HIdan for telling on me. Want to gang up on him?"

Ryou nodded, smiling, and so the shouting and laughter started anew.

The snowball fight continued for a while before Asuka and Ryou decided that making a snow man would be much more interesting, and Kakuzu watched for a while as Hidan helped them.

After helping them set the heavy bottom part, Hidan let himself fall into the snow, a little tired, but so very content. He was a slightly out of breath, panting through his smile with his eyes closed. It was only a matter of seconds until he heard the snow crunch, meaning that someone was approaching him, and he mentally prepared for a snow ball attack, subtly grabbing some snow himself.

When he felt that the person was near enough - must have been Kakuzu, he figured, he waited until he felt them lean down and smashed the snow right into their face, eyes opening as he grinned wickedly.

Looking back at him was a very, very confused Kakuzu with snow in his mouth.

Hidan burst out laughing and Kakuzu's expression slipped into a glare as he grabbed some snow, throwing it into Hidan's face. "You little -"

"Oh my fucking God, Kakuzu, that was so hilarious! You should have seen your face, seriously!"

"You're such a brat."

"Oh come on!" Hidan was still chuckling, though it was getting quieter. "I thought you were going to shove snow down my shirt or something."

"I was going to kiss you."

"Hm, really... you shouldn't let that incident stop you." Hidan smirked up at the other, reaching out to cup the back of his head and tug him down. Their puffy breaths mingled in the cold hair for a moment before they kissed, each enjoying the other man's warmth.

Asuka just happened to be coming back to ask for a carrot as the snow man's nose. "Ew, gross! Hello, there are children here!"

They parted, and Kakuzu raised his eyebrows. "How convenient. Last night you said you're not a child anymore, so I should let you go to that party. I'm guessing since you're a child again, you won't want to go."

"I meant Ryou, not me! Geez! And I want to go to that party!"

"So shush," Kakuzu said, waving her off and returning his attention to Hidan - who shoved more snow in his face.

"That's for letting her interrupt. We could've given her a great show, seriously."

"That's sick," Kakuzu muttered and kissed him again.

–

Later, when the kids busied themselves with other things, Kakuzu and Hidan took a bath together to warm up again. Kakuzu was suddenly very glad that his ex wife had insisted on getting a large bathtub when they got the house, since two men of their size wouldn't have fit into one normal tub so easily.

They thoroughly enjoyed the hot water and relaxed; Kakuzu even fell asleep, only waking up because Hidan wanted him to wash his back.

And as he did, Kakuzu's movements continuously slowed; he carefully slid his shower gel-slicked hands over Hidan's skin, tracing each finely defined line of muscle, massaging the gel into his skin. When Hidan turned to ask him why, Kakuzu only kissed him.

It was a long, slow kiss, lazy on Hidan's part and gentle on Kakuzu's. When their lips parted, Hidan's eyes were only half open. "Kakuzu...?"

"It's nothing," Kakuzu mumbled, staring at Hidan's face for a few moments before kissing him again. "Just shut up so we can enjoy this."

It was then that realization dawned on Hidan, his confusion making room for a smug smirk. "You were fucking admiring me, admit it. You think I'm gorgeous."

"You're an idiot."

"Aww, don't pull away! C'm on, Kakuzu, I won't mock you if you say it out loud!"

"You're too full of yourself."

"Don't get shy on me now!"

--

"Hey, Kakuzu, I'm taking Asuka to the mall!" Hidan poked his head into the living room and raised an eyebrow when he saw Kakuzu sprawled out on the couch, snoring softly with an open book on his chest.

He rolled his eyes; that idiot had fallen asleep reading again – how typical. If he wanted to read so badly, he should just read when he had time instead of pushing off sleep for it. He quietly walked over to the couch, carefully picked Kakuzu's reading glasses off his face, took away the book and smirked. Maybe he should shout into Kakuzu's ear to wake him up…

But then he saw the title of the book. _The First Book of Jashin by Hidan San_.

He frowned in confusion, opening the book. It was the first edition.

Okay. What the fuck. The first edition was definitely sold out; only 200 had been printed because nobody had thought the book would become a big hit. Kakuzu must have either paid half a good sum of money for it on ebay or gotten the book right after the initial publication.

Both possibilities seemed rather out of character for him, Hidan mused. Why the hell would Kakuzu do that?

That was. Unless…

He blinked, his mouth twisting in what was supposed to be a smirk and came out more like a frown. That Kakuzu was reading the book now meant that he had just gotten it, right? So he must have bought in on ebay. But why? Asuka had it. Why had Kakuzu bought an expensive edition on ebay? Kakuzu loved money, he'd never waste it on a book he already owned anyway.

_This is a good thing, my plan must be working_, Hidan thought. But why did he feel so uneasy with it now?

Damn it, damn it! He should feel triumphant, should be laughing! There was a possibility that Kakuzu was in love with him!

It shouldn't make him feel unsure, regretful and sad. No. It most definitely shouldn't.

--

He was sulking in his room, pretending to be busy by having his laptop on and some notebooks scattered over his desk, though he was lying on his bed anyway.

He needed room. He needed space. A brain would be nice, too.

"Fuck this." He rolled onto his back, covering his face with his hands. He craved a cigarette and a bottle of vodka. An easy girl and loud music would help, too. Maybe some weed.

There was a knock on his door. "I'm not here. Go away."

"Very funny." The door opened, and Hidan knew that it was Kakuzu who had entered. "You're not in my bed."

"Why, you're very sharp today. How long did it take you to figure that one out?"

Kakuzu's eyes narrowed. "What's wrong?"

"What, I can't want to sleep in my own bed sometimes? The deal was that I get sex whenever _I_ want, not when _you_ want it."

"I wasn't talking about sex. Unlike you, I have self control."

Hidan turned around, sitting up. "And since when do you fucking care? You're acting like you're worried, it makes me feel like I'm going to throw up, seriously."

Kakuzu closed the door behind himself, then leaning against it. "Don't make me get a parenting book to figure out how to get you to talk."

"I'm not a fucking child."

"So stop acting like one. If you're an adult, then say what you think instead of acting like a sulking child."

"I'm not thinking anything."

"That might be the problem."

"Asshole. Now come over here."

"I thought you didn't want sex?"

"Oh, I don't. I just want to kick you in the balls but I'm too lazy to get the fuck up."

--

An hour later, they were lying in Hidan's bed, sweaty and tired, and Hidan just let himself go. Fuck leaving the bed after sex to make sure Kakuzu understood his disinterest, fuck it all – he just wanted his head on Kakuzu's chest. Kakuzu's heartbeat always lulled him to sleep.

"Hidan."

"What," he mumbled, "I'm almost asleep."

"You're falling asleep on me."

"I'm aware."

"Just wanted to clear that up."

They were quiet for a few moments, each lost in their own thoughts, until Hidan decided to speak up. "Tell me a secret."

"A secret?"

"Yeah. Something nobody knows."

"It wouldn't be a secret if I told you."

"Oh c'm on…"

"You first."

"Fine." Hidan rolled his eyes, shifting so he could roll off Kakuzu. He stared at the ceiling, thinking. "I almost became a father once. Knocked a chick up. She got an abortion; the press never found out."

"Isn't abortion against your beliefs?"

"It is." Hidan snorted. "But I guess that's better than getting Satan's spawn, you know? I'd make a horrible father, seriously. Poor kid."

"You never know."

"I do know. Now c'm on, it's your turn."

"A secret, hm?" Kakuzu closed his eyes, his arms crossed behind his head. "I can't think of one."

"Oh come on, you have plenty!"

"Fine." Silence. "I'm in love with you."

It was his chance. This was the moment he had been waiting for; all he needed to do was say "But I don't love you", "I hate you" – anything. Anything at all would have done. But he couldn't. There was no feeling of triumph, no lust for revenge.

Just a terrible aching in his chest.

"Hidan?"

His heart beat fast – too fast. Damn it, what the fuck was this?

He heard Kakuzu scoff and shift. "He fell asleep… the nerve."


	14. Remorse

Wow, you guys, this thing is getting insane XD Over 250 reviews and over a hundred alerts! I'd just like to thank everyone who has given support thus far. You're all amazing!

„_Good afternoon, Mr. San. How are we feeling today?" _

_Hidan scowled at the man sitting opposite of him; he looked like the type he would have beat up in school back then, with huge glasses and a bow tie. "I don't know how you're feeling, but I'm fucking fabulous." _

_He made a note. Damn, Hidan hated when he did that. "So, Mr. San… this is our fifth session. We have gone over your childhood and your life after school until that incident. I would like to talk about that incident with you today." _

_Hidan snorted. "There's nothing to talk about, okay? It was a fucking accident – I was drunk and at the wrong place at the wrong time." _

"_Mr. San, even when drunk, people don't just try to jump off a bridge without a reason." _

"_I told you!" Hidan glared. "I'm not suicidal, seriously. You could argue with insane, but not suicidal." Denial. _

"_How do you feel about your current life, Mr. San? Please be honest." _

_He sighed, giving up. That damn psychologist only heard what he wanted to hear anyway. "My life's good. I'm 25, with one foot in the media industry and if I'm lucky, I might make it through a casting as a TV host. I just gotta drop the swearing. I'm popular with the ladies, too." _

"_That's a starting point, Mr. San. You say you're popular amongst women, but you have never had a relationship aside from your ex-boyfriend." _

"_Cause I don't want one! Urgh, you don't fucking listen, do you?!" Hidan crossed his arms over his chest. Symbol of body language – shielding oneself off, protecting oneself. "I'm fine with just sex. I don't need some girl fawning over me. Or a guy." _

"_Why not?" _

_Hidan sighed, annoyed beyond belief. And he even paid this guy. Well, actually his health insurance did because he was forced to go here. "You know that shit girls always talk about? That… that true love crap? That was Kakuzu. He was my Rushmore, okay? He was the Claire to my Bender, the Gerald to my Dinky, the… urgh, I don't fucking know! It has to be him. It makes no sense if it's not him." _

"_I see." The psychologist closed his notebook, finally looking up from it. "But it's not going to be him again, Mr San. You have to finally realize this – it's in the past. You can't find another shot at a working relationship if you don't try. Open yourself up." _

"_Open up? Hey, you must be some kind of idiot, seriously. How can I open myself up again after he crushed me? How do I know I won't get crushed again?" _

"_You don't. That's what you call life. You have to take risks." _

"_Load'a bullshit," Hidan muttered, getting up. "I'm leaving. Have a good fucking day."_

--

Hidan was sitting hunched over his laptop, an empty pack of cigarettes lying on the desk beside it. His hand kept twitching towards the pack in an attempt to grab it before he remembered that it was empty. The last one had been smoked weeks ago – damn, had it really been that long?

It surely wouldn't hurt to smoke one. Just one, to settle his nerves.

He didn't know why he felt so nervous anyway; it simply wasn't in his nature to be thoughtful. He couldn't sleep either – every time he closed his eyes, he heard Kakuzu's words from almost a week ago.

In love with him? How laughable. How ridiculous. Kakuzu couldn't be in love with him. That would be too easy, right? That would mean his plan was finally coming to an end. It was too early. Yes, that must have been it – he hadn't made Kakuzu suffer enough yet. Maybe that was why he was nervous – if he already broke up with Kakuzu, he wouldn't suffer enough.

The empty page of the writing program on his laptop stared at him mercilessly. That blinking line was mocking him, he was sure. _Look at me, I'm a blinking line and you're some fucker with a guilty conscience. _

He clicked his tongue in an annoyed fashion and got up, grabbing his wallet and stuffing it into his jeans pocket. He sent a quick look outside – it was already dark even though it was only the late afternoon, but at least it wasn't raining or snowing at the moment. As much as he liked snow, he didn't very much like getting wet when he just wanted to get a God damn pack of cigarettes.

He left his room, grabbing his coat on the way downstairs and opening the door; he was met with a rush of cold air, but maybe that was what he needed.

"Where are you going?"

Hidan didn't turn around; he knew that Kakuzu had been preparing dinner, so he was probably wearing that baby blue apron he denied ever having bought. "Huh… For a walk."

"Dinner is going to be ready in a few minutes."

"Not hungry."

"You're going to faint if you keep on skipping meals."

"I've been eating, seriously."

Kakuzu snorted. "I haven't seen you eat in almost a week."

"What, now you're calling me a liar? Thanks, asshole."

"Go for your walk already. And don't come back before your pissy temper has cooled down."

--

Hidan's trip to get cigarettes turned into a trip to the nearest bar; it wasn't a very good one, admittedly, because the area Kakuzu lived in was full of stuck up wealthy people, but alcohol was alcohol.

He didn't really know why he was so pissed off himself – Kakuzu had been worried for him and that was good, right? It meant he really did care and the heartbreak would hurt. He just needed to make him suffer a bit more before really breaking up with him – but what could he do?

His eyes landed on the pretty blond woman behind the bar.

Kakuzu and him weren't really dating, right? They were pretending for the kids. So technically, Hidan couldn't cheat on Kakuzu, and Kakuzu knew. So if he were to sleep with someone else and told Kakuzu about it… that would make him suffer big time, right? And he wouldn't have to feel guilty because they weren't really dating.

But what if Kakuzu really broke it off with him? He couldn't risk that. Maybe instead of trampling over Kakuzu's heart before breaking up with him, he should make him really, really happy – that way the heartbreak would hurt more than…

Wait, no. No, no, no. The break up had to be sudden, just like when Kakuzu broke up with him. They'd been happy then, and just when Hidan wanted to ask Kakuzu for their first dance together…

His fingers tightened around his glass.

They were happy now. Kakuzu loved him. What if he just… forgot his plan? He could get used to falling asleep on Kakuzu instead of going back to his room, where he would remain sleepless. He could get used to playing the "cool uncle" role for Asuka and Ryou – hell, he was already used to that by now. He could learn how to cook. Try to be less lazy when it came to cleaning.

They could be really, really happy.

He downed his scotch and slammed the glass down on the bar, panting for a moment. "Give me another one."

--

When he came home – home, what the fuck? This wasn't his home. This was Kakuzu's home. – there was a light on in the living room. He had a little trouble unlocking the front door due to the alcohol blurring his vision, but eventually it worked and he stumbled inside clumsily.

Kakuzu was sitting on the couch, reading a book.

"Hi," he mumbled, closing the door behind himself and leaning against it. "Y're 'p late."

"You're drunk and you reek of cigarettes. I can smell it from here."

"Let's have sex."

Kakuzu closed his book loudly. "What the hell are you thinking, Hidan? You're acting strange lately. You're making Asuka and Ryou worry, so if you have something to say, say it."

Hidan snickered, pushing off the door and slowly walking towards the couch to learn over it. "I'm making Asuka and Ryou worry? You're the only one who is worried."

"You must be imagining that."

"Must I…" He chuckled. "'S weird, cause I could've sworn you were telling me to eat today."

"That's enough." Kakuzu got up and walked past the couch towards the stairs. "I hope you have a murder hangover tomorrow. If that doesn't kill you, I will."

Hidan watched him retreat before snorting. "As if you could pull it off."

--

His hangover the next day wasn't so bad; nothing a lot of water and some aspirin couldn't fix. He decided to skip breakfast anyway just in case he'd feel sick later.

He made a point of eating dinner with them though, even if he just ate a little. He simply hadn't been hungry lately, that was all.

Kakuzu didn't really talk to him throughout dinner. Asuka was talking merrily about what she wanted to do during Christmas break and the gifts she would be getting for her friends while Ryou ate in silence.

"So, you'll go shopping with me, right?" Asuka looked up at Hidan, a smile lighting up her face. "But I want to get you a Christmas gift too, so you'll have to leave me alone for a bit."

"I don't really do the whole 'Christmas presents' thing," he replied, taking a sip of water. "So don't get one for me."

"What? But I want to!" She pouted. "Why not?"

Hidan was just opening his mouth to explain when – "Because Christmas is all about religion and family and should not support commercial thinking." Kakuzu smirked slightly. "So you really haven't changed, Hidan. He already did that when we were teens."

Hidan glared. "What? It's not my fault that you're a Godless atheist. By the way, is there a church nearby? I want to go there on Christmas Eve."

They finished dinner with some more chatting and Hidan was secretly relieved that Kakuzu talked to him again. Ryou went to his room afterwards and Asuka left go go see a friend, leaving Kakuzu and Hidan to do the dishes, Kakuzu washing them in the sink and Hidan drying them.

"Have you reached Tayuya yet? I need to know if they'll be coming on Christmas Eve."

"Ah, yeah." Hidan watched his reflection in one of the spoons. "She's coming, but her girlfriend can't make it. Family shit."

"What about your mother?"

"I have a train ticket to Yugakure at like 5am." Hidan snorted. "It's ridiculous; so many trains were booked…"

"Everyone wants to visit their family over Christmas, it's only natural. Speaking of family, are you busy tomorrow? We still need to make photos."

Hidan quirked an eyebrow. "Photos? Why is that?"

"Christmas photos. For our friends and family." Kakuzu looked at him, and Hidan could have sworn there was a tiny, tiny smirk on his face that almost looked like a smile. "You are part of the family now, after all."

"Uh, Kakuzu, we're _pretending_. There's a difference."

Kakuzu sighed in response. "Are you stupid? …You need to be on the photo. Otherwise Asuka and Ryou will suspect something."

--

Hidan found it awkward. He didn't feel comfortable at all, sitting on the couch with Asuka next to him, hugging his arm happily. Kakuzu was on Asuka's other side, Ryou sitting on his lap. He did not look very pleased either.

The photographer cleared her throat. "Perhaps um… you'd like something a little more relaxed?"

--

Hidan was typing away on his laptop, responding to questions for an e-mail interview, when there was a knock on his door. He quickly hid his glass of vodka in the drawer of his bedside table before moving to unlock the door. Not surprisingly, Kakuzu was waiting in front of it.

"What do you want?"

"Can I come in?"

He stepped aside, letting Kakuzu enter, and took his laptop from the bed and to the desk so they could sit comfortably. Kakuzu handed him an oversized enveloped and Hidan sat down next to him, opening it curiously.

There was the official family portait – Hidan knew it was the official one because it came in several formats. It showed Kakuzu and Hidan sitting on the couch with Ryou on their laps in a way that made him sit half on Kakuzu's right leg and half Hidan's left one, and Asuka was standing behind the couch, leaning over it with her hands resting on one of Hidan's and one of Kakuzu's shoulders. They were all smiling and, much to Hidan's surprise, it did not look fake.

There were more photos; snapshots, mostly, of them trying to find a good way to take the picture. Hidan took the longest at a picture where Kakuzu's hand was on his leg and he was leaning over to whisper something in Hidan's ear while Asuka was bitching about something and holding her hands over Ryou's eyes.

Hidan felt odd. Warm, kind of, and a little sad at the same time. "Can I keep it?"

"They're all for you." Kakuzu's hand was warm and heavy on his back. "You okay?"

He was happy. That was why he kissed Kakuzu. That was why they had sex in the middle of the day. That was why he only left the bed afterwards to scan the photo and send it to Tayuya.

Hidan was happy, and he wasn't going to be so stupid that he'd ruin it.

--

Christmas was nice, but Hidan thought that it was always nice. He went to church on Christmas Eve and when he came back, Tayuya was already there and Kakuzu was cooking.

They had a nice dinner and afterwards opened presents. Asuka got a guitar and was very obviously thrilled, Ryou got some toys, and Hidan forgot what they had gotten for their father.

Tayuya, an expert on music, was helping Asuka tune her guitar and Hidan watched amusedly when suddenly something cold touched his neck, followed by hot breath and a whisper of "hold still". He raised an eyebrow, but did hold still until Kakuzu was finished doing whatever he was doing and then looked down.

A necklace with a tiny silver cross on it.

"It's not a Christmas gift," Kakuzu stated. "Just a help for your prayers."

"Heh." Hidan turned around and kissed him teasingly long and slow. "I guess then I don't have to say thank you."

"Oh gag me with a spoon." Tayuya rolled her eyes. "You guys are making me want to throw up!"

--

Hidan had to leave extremely early the next morning to catch the train to Yugakure. Kakuzu was about to leave later, but when he went to take some bags to the car, Tayuya was standing outside.

She threw her cigarette to the floor and stepped on it. "I forgot something."

"What would that happen to be?"

"My best friend. You seen him? Light hair, good build, kinda stupid when it comes to realising he's being used."

Kakuzu's eyes narrowed. "Get off my property."

"Or what?" She glared at him. "You going to call the fucking cops? That's cute, really."

"I have told you my purpose once before, so get off my back. Hidan isn't here anyway."

"Really? Then I'll give him a call, tell him what you're up to."

"You don't know what I'm up to."

"Like hell I don't!" She glared, whipping out her cellphone and hitting speed dial. But as soon as the dial tone started in her ear, she could hear Hidan's ringtone… from Kakuzu's pants.

Kakuzu had the nerve to smirk at her. "He forgot his phone here. He left his laptop, too." The smirk disappeared. "Now get away before I really do call the cops."

--

"_Ahh, this is fun." Deidara grinned, dropping down in a seat next to Kakuzu. "I can't believe you're a married man now, Kakuzu."_

"_Neither can I." _

_Tobi snickered, elbowing him. "No need to look so miserable!" _

"_Actually," Itachi started calmly, "I was wondering something, if you wouldn't mind answering." _

_Kakuzu sighed watching his bride chat with some of her associates. "What is it?" _

"_You invited all of us, who were your friends in high school. But there is one person missing. Where is Hidan?" _

_Kakuzu's face visibly twisted at that. "I didn't invite him." _

"_Were you on such bad terms after your break up?" _

Kakuzu looked away, staring at an empty wall for a few moments before closing his eyes. "Even if I had invited him, he would not have come, and it's good like that. He would have ruined the wedding."

"_Oh yes," Deidara joked, "he might have tried to win you back."_

I have a lot of the next chapter already written, I just need to flesh some parts out and type them up. I ended up dropping a lot of ideas that I had to keep the story from turning even more into a bad drama… Anyway, you can expect the last chapter of Gives You Hell in maybe 2 weeks.


	15. Redemption

Finally the last chapter, guys! Thanks a ton to SanitySleepingon dA for beta reading!  
Also, for some reason ffnet prevents me from replying to reviews at the moment. I'm sorry.

"Cheh, you're picking me up?" Hidan smirked upon seeing Kakuzu walking towards him at the busy platform. "What a cute little hubby you are. Here, take my suitcase."

"You can carry that yourself. Also, you requested for me to pick you up, idiot. Now hurry up so we can get to the car."

"Oh shut up, Kakuzu, you know damn well that you wouldn't come pick me up just because I asked you too." Hidan was still smirking, dragging his suitcase behind himself loudly as he followed Kakuzu to the car. "You fucking missed me, that's why you're here. Sap."

"Shut up before I kill you."

Hidan snickered when they reached the car, put his suitcase in the trunk and sat in the front next to Kakuzu. "Well, I didn't miss you at all cause my mother made all of my favorite food. She made spare ribs yesterday; it was fucking awesome. No healthy vegetable shit – we had steak and… fuck, I bet I gained at least two kilos."

"You're still too thin," Kakuzu replied, fastening his seatbelt.

"Didn't know you're a chubby chaser now." Hidan smirked, leaning over to the other man. "Hey, don't I get a welcome back kiss?"

"When you ask like that… no. Now stop distracting me, I'm trying to drive."

"By the way," Hidan drawled, sulkily leaning back in his seat. "Have you seen my cellphone? I think I forgot it at your place…"

"No," Kakuzu replied calmly, eyes focused on the road. "Maybe you left it on the train?"

"I already couldn't find it on the trainride to Yugakure." Hidan groaned. "My manager will kill me if I don't find it! Guess I have to switch to e-mails for now…"

"Tough luck," Kakuzu mumbled, "the internet connection in our district is down until the new year. Something about a recent storm destroying a connection… I don't know, I'm not good with technology."

"Well, shit." Hidan sighed. "Give me your fucking cell, I gotta call my manager."

--

On New Year's Eve, they were invited to a party at Kakuzu's workplace. Hidan didn't really want to go – he hated having to dress up all fancy – but when Kakuzu threatened to cockblock him, he grudgingly put on a suit and even tried to tie is tie by himself. Needless to say, the tie thing… didn't work out very well.

"Damn it," he muttered as he tried to fix his tie during the car ride to the party. "This stupid fucking –" He hit the dashboard in frustration, which in turn made the glove compartment pop open and – "Hey, there's my cellphone! Don't tell me it was in here all the damn time?"

Before he could properly look at it though, Kakuzu was already snatching it from his hands. "Stop it, you're distracting me."

"Hey, I was looking at that, asshole!" Hidan clicked his tongue in annoyance, trying to get it back from Kakuzu. "Give it back and focus on the fucking road, seriously!"

"I'll give it back to you when we're there."

Hidan was sulking, but he didn't really have a choice unless he wanted Kakuzu to crash the car. They arrived in relative silence, left their coats in the car and made their way inside.

Greetings were exchanged, and Hidan had to meet what felt like a million of Kakuzu's colleagues – mostly the higher ranking ones – and then there was Tsunade, of course, who was already piss-drunk.

After at least two hours, Hidan was already exhausted. "I didn't even have anything to fucking drink yet! You're such an asshole, Kakuzu. This is all your fault. We're dating and you don't even get me anything to drink or any food."

„Hidan."

„What?" He scowled t the other man, still trying to tug his tie into the right shape and fully expecting the other to tell him to shut up.

"Dance with me."

Had Hidan been drinking anything, he would have choked on it. As it was, he simply stared unintelligently at Kakuzu, his mouth opening and closing like a fish. "You… what the fuck? We've never danced together!"

"Then it's about time." Kakuzu reached for Hidan's tie, fixing it with one swift movement and slipped his cellphone into the breast pocket of his jacket. "Come on."

Hidan nodded, overwhelmed with confusion, and walked to the dancefloor with Kakuzu. Couples around them were dancing happily to the slow music and despite his attention-craving personality, he was, for once, happy to just be part of the crowd.

"To be honest," he whispered as Kakuzu grasped his side, "I can't fucking slowdance. Seriously."

"No problem," Kakuzu replied in a mumble, "just let me lead you." He extended his hand, watching Hidan's face intently.

He hesitated; could he just do that? If he took Kakuzu's hand now, they would dance like all the other couples, maybe drink some punch, eventually go home and possibly have sex, then fall asleep together and be happy. But his plan – what about his plan to… to crush Kakuzu, not to let him have the other hand, to…

…to gain a little while of sweet satisfaction and then return to his miserable life.

He took Kakuzu's hand. It looked a little strange – Kakuzu's tan, big hand with Hidan's pale, just-as-big one. It might have looked cuter if his hands had been dainty and thin, but the way it looked in reality was simply perfect and right.

They swayed together for a while and Hidan felt strange. He really wasn't a romantic person and saps annoyed him, but having his arms around Kakuzu and Kakuzu's arms around him, he just felt so… so timeless. Like this moment would continue forever and he wouldn't complain. Immortal.

"You're awfully quiet tonight."

Hidan glared up at the other. "What the fuck is that supposed to –" Kakuzu attempted to silence him with a kiss, but Hidan kept talking. Kakuzu was a persistent little fucker though, and so eventually, Hidan gave in.

"Oh get a room," mumbled Tsunade, who didn't have a dance partner.

They kissed for a short while but broke apart for air. "Now I'm thirsty," Hidan muttered, looking away. "Go get me some fucking punch."

"Just a minute. I want to ask you something first."

"So do it already, my mouth is a fucking desert."

"Marry me."

Several heads turned when Kakuzu had said those words, and Hidan felt them stare at him, but he didn't particularly care. Had… had Kakuzu really just said what he thought he said? _Marry_? Marry _him_? "That's… are you serious?" Hidan lowered his voice, not wanting the spectators to hear. "We've only been pretending for –"

"Who's been pretending?" Kakuzu's eyes narrowed. "We both know that we never pretended."

And the worst thing was that Kakuzu was right. He had been sucked into happiness faster than he could remember and before he had even understood what was going on, he found himself in love with Kakuzu.

But getting married… it was the most ridiculous thing he'd ever heard – but at the same time, it just made so much sense. His life had always been miserable in one way or another – lying in bed with Kakuzu with his throat marked with hickeys and Kakuzu's heart beating right under his ears was his sanctuary, back then as much as today. Despite everything that had happened – they simply belonged together. Nothing else made sense.

His mouth twitched into a smirk, trying to cover up how insecure and vulnerable he felt at that moment. "Then where the hell is my engagement ring, you stingy asshole?"

"I was going to buy it after hearing your response."

"Well, I want it now. Silver, no cheesy decorations."

Kakuzu rolled his eyes, but the corners of his mouth were quirked up the tiniest bit. "We can go pick one on Monday." They kissed again, and it was long and slow- Kakuzu pulled away after a short while. "I'll go get us something to drink."

Hidan watched Kakuzu walk away, his brain still feeling overheated. He was engaged - he! – to Kakuzu. Wow. That was certainly an interesting start into the new year.

He pulled out his cellphone to check the time and raised his eyebrows. Twenty-one missed calls from Tayuya. He pressed the dial button. "Hey, it's me. What's up?"

"You fucker! I've been trying to get a hold of you since Christmas!"

"Ah, yeah… I couldn't find my cellphone and the internet is down over here."

"It's that Kakuzu bastard! Please tell me you've finally broken up with him…"

"Oh. Oh, bitch, you're not up to date. Kakuzu proposed to me just now."

"And you rejected him?! That's fantastic! I'll come get you right aw-"

"I'm fucking engaged, Tayuya! I've given up my revenge plans; I'm going to marry Kakuzu."

There was a moment of silence. "Y-You're kidding, right? After all he did to you? You can't trust him!"

"I think I found some shit like happiness through him, Tayuya."

"Damn it, Hidan! You're doing exactly what he wants you to! He knows everything!"

Hidan felt as if someone with very cold hands suddenly put them on his naked back. His heart started beating rapidly and there was a buzzing noise in his ears – why was it so hard to think all of a sudden?

But… the proposal? The confession? Could it really all be fake…?

That bastard. That fucking son of a bitch was going to break up with him again, humiliate him to the core and tear his insides out. So that was why he hadn't gotten the rings yet – the proposal was fake.

"Hidan, you still there?"

Hidan tried to keep his voice from shaking. "Did you drink anything?"

"You're lucky; not yet. I'll come get you at Kakuzu's as soon as I can. An hour if I'm fast."

"Thanks, you're the best. I'll go get my shit." He flipped his phone shut just as Kakuzu came back and tried to look as though he wasn't breaking apart on the inside.

"Punch?" Kakuzu offered.

"Gladly," replied Hidan, took one of the glasses and punched him in the face so hard that Kakuzu actually fall back, landing on his ass and spilling punch all over his white jacket.

People stared at him in shock, some trying to help Kakuzu up. He calmly sipped on the punch, grimaced and splashed the rest at Kakuzu. "You know, Kakuzu, babe…" He made sure to use the same indifferent tone that he always used when breaking up with some slut- "I've been thinking and came to the conclusion that we'd simply be better off going our separate ways. I'm sure you can find someone else to manipulate before the night is over."

It was easy for him to leave after that, but he walked fast just in case that Kakuzu followed him. Boy, must Kakuzu be seething…

He was just about to get into a taxi when he heard a slow clapping behind him. "Bravo, Hidan. It looked almost as if you meant it."

"Fuck off, Kakuzu. I'm done with you."

"I wasn't manipulating you. I meant everything I said."

"Oh shut up already! I know that you knew!" He slammed the taxi door shut, successfully blocking out whatever else Kakuzu was saying. "I'll pay you double if you completely ignore the fireworks and take me to this address as fast as you can."

--

He knew that he had to be fast; surely Kakuzu wouldn't need long to come after him. He'd have to leave as much as possible behind.

He dumped everything important in his suitcase, not giving a fuck about anything else. Clothes could stay, he had enough of those in Konoha; the laptop was important, his notebook and calendar…

"Hidan? What are you… where's Dad?"

Great, so Asuka was awake. Just fucking peachy. "Go back to bed."

"Why are you packing?" She sounded nervous, almost scared.

"Are you fucking stupid? I'm packing to leave, why else?"

She was shocked, and that was putting it mildly. Of course she'd heard Hidan talk like this, but never to her. He had never insulted her, jokingly or not. "B-but why? When are you coming back? Where are you go-"

"It's over between your father and I. I ended it." He closed his suitcase and then turned around, regarding her coldly. "I dumped him 5 minutes after he proposed to me, humiliated him in front of everyone and now I'm leaving."

"But… but why? I don't understand…"

"Hah, how could you understand?" He crossed his arms over his chest; he should hurry, he knew, get out of here. But the least he could do was to make it easier for her – make her hate him. "You see, from the very beginning – from the day I held you back at that signing table, I only had one intention. I wanted to break your father's heart because he broke mine twenty years ago." He chuckled darkly. "I used you and Ryou to get close to him and made him fall in love with me – all for this one moment. Ah, that sweet satisfaction when I broke up with your father just an hour ago…"

She was crying. She didn't want to, but it was the only thing she could do. "This isn't like you! I thought –"

"Not like me? Oh, cute little Asuka." He laughed hysterically. "You really did admire me, huh? You really thought I'd be your ideal stepfather. But I told you I'm selfish. I'm putting my pride before you and Ryou."

"But you looked so happy when you were with my father…" She sobbed pathetically, and her face was very red and wet and didn't look pretty at all. "Why are you adults so stubborn? I don't want you to leave…!"

Hidan looked at the pitiful child, no expression whatsoever on his face as he thought about what he could possibly tell her. He tilted his head eventually, fishing a pack of cigarettes from his breast pocket and pulling one out, lighting it and taking a long, satisfying drag.

"Hate me. It makes everything easier if you think of me as a fucking bastard, seriously. Hate's a good way to deal with rejection."

A car honked outside, and Hidan knew that it was time for him to leave; without another glance at her, Hidan grabbed his suitcase and walked past Asuka. Tayuya was waiting outside, the trunk of her car already open. He put his suitcase in it and took a deep breath before approaching Tayuya. "You should've been there. I fucking humiliated him, seriously."

She wasn't convinced. "Drop it and give me a hug, idiot. I know you need one."

And he cried. It wasn't a single tear beautifully sliding down his cheek, nor was it silent or anything like that – he was sobbing desperately with his face all red as he hid it in Tayuya's hair. It had been so long since he had last cried; he really hated to. He had a voice, so he could speak – crying was for babies because babies couldn't say what was wrong. He was an adult.

Crying was disgusting, and yet, he couldn't stop. The tears just kept coming and his face felt so hot and wet and he hated it. He hated not being able to breathe because of the constant sobbing, but it just wouldn't stop, no matter how hard he tried. Even Tayuya rubbing his back awkwardly as he hugged her didn't help.

"Come on," she mumbled, "let's get into the car and leave before that bastard comes back."

Hidan nodded weakly and let go of her, wiping over his eyes quickly. The whole night still felt so distant to him – like a dream. First he was so happy, and just when he had decided to drop his revenge plans and give happiness and love a shot – bam.

They got into the car and Tayuya started the engine, driving off. The silence was almost unbearable, but Hidan didn't know what to say. If he did, he'd probably just start crying again like a pussy.

"When we're home, I'll get you some vodka," Tayuya muttered.

"Home…" Hidan snorted softly. Where was that anyway? "Yeah, that's what I need. Vodka cures everything."

"I missed you, you know. And so did everyone else. The parties were all boring without you to embarrass yourself, and paparazzi asked for you all the time."

He remained quiet for a moment before he replied, wording his answer carefully. "I'm not going to return to that lifestyle. It was hard work to cut down the booze and smoking, seriously."

She raised an eyebrow. "You want to become edge?"

"Nah. Just cut down, that's all. It's kind of pathetic to be addicted to something."

"Heh, so that bastard did leave some sort of impression on you. Don't tell me you'll eat healthy now, too – or get married and have kids."

"Shut up, Tayuya. Focus on the road."

"Oh come on!" She huffed. "I'll grant you tonight because it was a shitty night for you, but I gotta say that I miss the old Hidan. The one you could have fun with."

Hidan narrowed his eyes. "Well I fucking don't, so – Tayuya, look at the road, there's a car on our side! Shit, look ou-"

It was too late.


	16. Epilogue

There you go, the epilogue. As always, thank you for sanitysleeping on dA for beta-reading!

I'm not really satisfied with the way it turned out, but I can't make myself give a damn anymore. It won't work any other way, the way I see it.

--

The first time Kakuzu visited Hidan at the hospital, he honestly expected some form of violence, be it verbal or a vase thrown at him.

What he didn't expect was Hidan not doing anything at all. He didn't even look at him; he just laid on his back, right leg in a thick cast, and stared up at the ceiling. His body was mostly covered by his blanket, but Kakuzu knew that underneath it and the pyjamas, there were countless cuts, some burns and large bruises. "So it takes a broken leg, broken ribs, and enough bruises to make you look like Kisame to stop you from running away from me?"

"That and an immense amount of painkillers. They work way better than any of the weed I've ever smoked, seriously."

A part of Kakuzu wanted to smirk, but a different part of him knew that he had to be serious now. "Hidan…"

"Get out."

"You can't throw me out, I work here." He studied Hidan for a moment before trying again. "You don't have to break up with me and leave just to prove a point. I know how you felt after the break up; I felt the same way."

Hidan turned his head to glare at the brunette. "Like I'll fucking believe that."

Kakuzu's eyes narrowed. "Breaking up with you was not easy for me, Hidan. I loved you. Still do."

"Why do you keep saying this crap?!" He tried to throw his hands up in frustration, but had to stop midway, wincing. "If you had loved me, you wouldn't have fucking dumped me! What was it, Kakuzu, huh?! Was I not good enough for you?! Too ugly, too dumb?!"

"You were everything I wanted."

"Then why?!"

Kakuzu couldn't look at him. The painkillers seemed to be taking their toll on the poor guy; he was a complete mess, and from the way it sounded, Hidan might have been crying.

"You were fucking everything to me, Kakuzu! I loved you so much, I would've – fuck, I would have married you, if that's what you wanted – is that why you didn't want me? You wanted a wife and kids? Fuck, Kakuzu, I would've – I would have married you, I would have learnt to cook and if it was physically possible, I would've had kids for you, and they'd be so fucking ugly but I'd still think they're the most beautiful kids on the planet 'cause they'd be ours…" He choked down a sob. "Fuck, the painkillers are making me say complete bullshit…"

The room was quiet except for Hidan's sniffling as he tried to stop crying and Kakuzu didn't know what to do; it was one of those rare moments when he felt completely and utterly unprepared and helpless.

He had thought about what he would say before he came, of course, but he had expected things to turn out differently. He had expected Hidan's head to be clearer. "Hidan…"

"Shut up! I don't want to hear anything else from you, just get the fuck out!"

"I'm sorry."

"No, you're not!"

Kakuzu carefully approached the other man, eventually sitting down on a chair beside the bed. "Are you willing to listen to me for a while?"

"No! Get out before I call the nurse!"

"Too bad that this is my hospital and they won't dare to throw me out. Now listen to me."

Kakuzu didn't know how he was going to say everything. It had been twenty years – he had kept it all to himself for twenty years. He hadn't told anyone at all; not his friends, not his family, not his (ex) wife. He had chosen to play the role of the villain and to bear it all alone.

It took him a moment to figure out how to start, and in the meantime, Hidan had stopped crying. He was staring at him, eyes half open and cheeks wet. It looked pathetic; Kakuzu had never liked seeing grown men cry.

"Back then… we were at an age where everyone is just trying to figure out who they are, what they want in life. I was no different; before I met you, it was clear to me that I wanted to become a surgeon. That dream did not change while I was with you, but… I eventually realized that I loved you too much. As long as I was with you, I didn't want to go anywhere else. I was… too content, I think. Unknowingly, being with you changed my purpose – before, my purpose was to become a successful surgeon. When I started dating you, my purpose became to be happy with you.

"I knew that as long as I was with you, I wouldn't be able to focus on my studies. A long distance relationship or even spending less time with you was not acceptable for me. Our relationship was too intense – you… you made me find everything unbearable when it didn't involve you. I was a teenager and loving someone so much – I was confused and insecure. I broke up with you because I knew that if I didn't, I wouldn't reach my goal of becoming a great surgeon."

"Load of bullshit." Hidan huffed quietly, looking away. "You're saying you broke up with me to focus on your studies? B-U-L-L shit. You got _married_, how is that focusing on your studies?"

"Dating Tsubaki can't be compared to dating you. I was fine not seeing her for a few days when I had to study. I loved her, I guess, but not as much as I loved you. And you already know the kids weren't exactly planned – and neither was the marriage."

Kakuzu reached out, putting his hand on top of Hidan's. "Why do you think I didn't send you away immediately, Hidan? I saw through you right from the beginning. The reason I hired you… I guess it was masochism. I thought that if I let you pull through with your plan, you'd be feeling better and could finally let go of me." He smirked, but it was bitter. "But you know me. I selfishly broke up with you, and then I selfishly decided to try to prevent your revenge plan because I wanted to be with you."

It was eerily quiet in the room when he stopped talking; Hidan wasn't crying anymore, but he wasn't saying anything either. Eventually, Kakuzu decided to get up. "You need rest. I'll come back tomorrow and hopefully your head will be clearer then."

He had barely made it out the door when something impacted with his cheek. He held his aching face, glaring at the offender – Tayuya, who looked rather bruised up herself. At least she could walk though.

"You fucking asshole! I told you that if you hurt Hidan –"

"Me?" He narrowed his eyes. "You drove that car, not me."

"That's not what I fucking mean!" Her face looked terrible, as though she was going to start crying any second – but she remained brave, not shedding a tear.

"If you hadn't told him that I knew, none of this would have happened." He studied her face – lips trembling, eyes wet. "You ruined Hidan's happiness, are you aware of that?"

"_I_ ruined his happiness?! Who's the jerk who broke up with him years ago! I know Hidan, probably better than you do, and he deserved to know the fucking truth about you! Hidan would not have wanted to live a lie!"

"Just for your information," he stated calmly, "I didn't intend to break up with him again."

"And if your lie had slipped in any other way? Just imagine that I didn't tell Hidan – one day, your lie would have come out. Do you really think Hidan would have stayed together with you?"

"Yes," Kakuzu replied smoothly. "He's stubborn, like a child, but he's not stupid. Now go back to your room; not only Hidan needs rest."

She glared at him. "You know that you're wrong, Hoku. Why else would you prevent Hidan from talking to me?"

He was quiet for a moment. "I don't really know what to think about you. I'm unable to predict what you do – in a way, you're impulsive like Hidan, but on the other hand, you are more intelligent and a strategist. Were you really just trying to protect your friend or were you trying to make him dependent on you? I couldn't tell."

Her glare had ceased. They were staring at each other now, faces expressionless, until Tayuya finally found the words she needed. "I do miss my best friend, but ultimately, I'm mature enough to let go of him when I know that it's time. It's just that Hidan…"

"…is a brainless idiot who needs someone watching out for him before he gets himself killed."

They stared at each other again sighing simultaneously. "You know," Tayuya said quietly, "maybe that's where we're both wrong."

"Maybe," Kakuzu agreed quietly.

--

The last person Hidan expected to visit him was Kakuzu's daughter. He was genuinely surprised when she came in, Ryou on one hand and a bouquet of flowers in the other.

"I didn't know which kind of flowers you like," she said before even saying hello and held out the flowers, "so we raided Dad's garden and made it as colourful as possible. Hospitals are so white and boring."

He was too confused to say anything. Wasn't she supposed to hate him? He had told her to. He had hurt her – badly, at that. "Thanks… does your father know that you two are here?"

She shook her head, smiling. "We're actually skipping school to be here." She chuckled. "Reminds you of something, doesn't it?"

"Asuka, why are you here? I was pretty cruel."

She licked her lip, looking down. "That night, I watched you leave. And when I saw you crying and hugging Tayuya I… I couldn't bring myself to hate you when I realised how much you'd been suffering. Once one gets the hang of it, you're pretty easy to see through. I understood."

"Even if you're not friends with Daddy anymore," mumbled Ryou quietly, half-hidden behind Asuka, "we had a lot of fun when you were with us. Can't you please come back and play with us again?"

--

"A classical drama," Hidan explained as he typed on his laptop – slowly because he was still so sore and his injuries hadn't quite healed yet – "consists of five acts. The first act contains the introduction and implies the root of the conflict. In the second act, the story develops and takes a certain direction. The conflict erupts in the third act – the turning point. The fourth act holds the last hope – the falling plot. The fifth act is called the catastrophe." He looked over his laptop, at Tayuya, who was sitting on a chair at the end of his bed. "That is the classical drama anyway."

"So," she mused, "your book isn't like that. Why are you talking about it now?"

"I'm still on bed rest, so I'm bored all the time. I read quite a few classical dramas in the meantime. You know what's so lame about them?"

She sighed, leaning back in her chair. "The fact that they're old and boring?"

"It's that it's always a higher power that the hero has to face. The conflict is always beyond his power and he cannot solve it. Even though the conflict is solved in the catastrophe, the hero is doomed in the end."

"I don't get what this has to do with us."

Hidan shrugged, shortly followed by a wince, and then carefully closed the laptop resting on his legs. "I just think that it's fucking lame the hero can't ever reach his own happiness, seriously. Who thought that shit up?"

Tayuya remained quiet for a moment, looking at her hands before raising her head slightly to shoot Hidan a glare. "Hey, you."

"What?"

"Am I supposed to take that as a hint?"

He raised an eyebrow. "A hint to what? You're not making any fucking sense, seriously."

She rolled her eyes, crossing her arms in front of her chest. Even though her words sounded angry, on the inside her heart was pounding nervously. "Because I told you about Hoku. If I hadn't, you'd be engaged now. And I got us in here."

He snorted. "Are you fucking stupid? Happiness can't be built on lies, don't you ever read books?"

Her face twitched in irritation. "I'm serious, dammit!"

"So am I." Hidan turned his head, looking out the window. It was raining, which kind of ruined his mood, but hey – there wasn't always the right weather for a situation. "You know, I felt so fucking guilty for trying to break Kakuzu's heart that I couldn't be around him for a while. We were both lying to each other. It wouldn't have worked out. So yeah – you're forgiven."

She stared at him in surprise before shaking her head, sighing. "You're more mature than I thought."

His mouth twitched in what was a mix between a smile and a frown. "I had a lot of time to think while I was in here. Especially after Kakuzu came here for the first time to talk to me… I realised that I can't go on like this any longer. Grudges, anger, rejection and being hurt – I need to overcome them, otherwise I'll always stand in the way of my own happiness."

"So you're…"

"…Getting back with Kakuzu? I don't know yet. It's not that easy."

Tayuya huffed, getting up and walking towards Hidan to knock on his forehead playfully. "Hello, anyone in there? Of course it's that easy! You love the guy, don't you? And he loves you!"

"When the fuck did you get on Kakuzu's side? Ow!"

"I," Tayuya said, forming a cross with her fingers, "am like Switzerland now. Fucking neutral, baby."

--

When Kakuzu came to check up on him a while later, Hidan was ready to talk to him. And damn it, this time, he would be completely honest and make the right decision, matters such as pride and fear aside.

**That's it**. For real this time. I have turned off anonymous reviews so I can reply to everyone, just in case that questions come up.

I would like to thank:

Kaz-san, for her continuous support. You're amazing!

Flock-of-doves, for putting up with my whining and supporting me!

Sanitysleeping, my amazing beta!

Ch-ch-cherry Best for taking the time to give me concrit

Moneycar for her very detailed concrit

Gravegonecold for supporting me

And everyone who followed the story from the beginning to the end and enjoyed doing so. Thank you!

Thank you for reading this fic, I hope you liked it because it's my last time writing Kakuzu/Hidan. See you in Hetalia!


	17. Chapter 17

Hello guys,

I am updating with something that is personally very important to me.

Someone stole my (and other people's) story, changed the names and title, and reposted it as their own. I am utterly furious about this. I already reported it, but I would very much appreciate if you guys took a look at it – report it as well, and look at her other stories. I am sure that mine is not the only story she stole. If you find more stolen ones, report those as well, please.

Writing, for me, is a very personal thing, and especially in this story, I dug deep in my own heart and soul. I cannot stand the thought of someone posting the results of my inner turmoil as their own. She makes me seriously consider taking my stories down for good so this cannot happen again.

She also added another chapter that I didn't write... and you can definitely tell by her poor grammar and because the writing style is completely different from the rest of the story.

www . /623494-revenge-is-sweet-complete-for-now-revenge-is-sweet

(just remove the spaces around the first dot.)


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